Basejumper.com - archive

This was spurred on by this comment in another thread:



IMO, this isn't clear and level headed thinking. I've been trying to deal with these sorts of issues, working through all the emotional baggage that comes with deciding to do something as high risk as BASE jumping. I think just because you're married to someone doesn't make the emotional relationship any stronger than a serious romantic relationship with another. Besides, everyone (most) has parents, brothers, sisters, friends, people that care about them, that "rank" just as high emotionally as a wife/husband. How do these people deal with the other people in their life?

I'd really like to get some feedback from people that dealt/are dealing with this type of thing. Accepting the risk yourself is difficult, but asking those that love you to accept that you very well might die on that next jump seems like a very hard thing to do.

I hope to get some advice as I don't see anyway around this problem other than bearing the emotional stress that comes with presenting seemingly reckless behavior to loved ones. I think anyone short of the coldest individual has dealt with this, hopefully you'll be able to help me.

Thanks a lot, and as always I look foward to your guys opinions. Oh, and as a sidenote, I think this problem is only troubling me because I know I am truly serious about becoming a BASE jumper, its just a matter of time while I gain the experience, knowledge, and ability to begin safely. Maybe when I actually start BASE jumping this issue will become a non-issue, or maybe the problem will only intensify, that's why I am asking now.

Peace, Andy

my story:

when my girlfriend found out i started BASE - we broke up
when my skydive partner found out i started BASE he did not talk to me for 6 months
when my mother found out she did not speak to me for 6 months (is there a connection there?)
when my family found out they did not want to know me
my auntie still does not want to talk to me
i almost got the sack from my job


you wont beleive the shit i went through.............. i almost gave it all up............ i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo glad i did not!!!!!

Mac, you were determined. How did you deal with those emotional relationships in your life being so severely cut off? Did the people in your life "get used to it". I try to put myself outside of myself (I know hard!) and if one of my brothers said they were going to start BASE jumping, I would be very nervous for them, and possibly try to dissuade them. I havn't really talked to my family about it, but I know I will have to, we're very close. Thanks for the feedback mac, even though it was kinda a bummer

i dont know if you BASE jump to start with.

How did i deal with them - i lived with it! i lost my girlfriend - who was my love!

I still have members of my family that dont talk to me!!! - but still drive at 90mph on the motorway with their kids and think i am the sick one!


My mother is now excepting it! but only cause I have brought jumpers to the house, shown her video and and she can see we aint the "point break" wankers she thought we would be!!! - educated!

it was VERY hard to start with.......... and i have lost contact with certain family members over it and lost my love............... but to be honest - it really has been worth it!!!...........

Lessee....

Ex-wife threatened me with divorce if I took up BASE (I didn't until after we were divorced, for different reasons).

Parents *really* don't like it, but pretty much begrudgingly accept it. And it's not like my Dad can complain much... he races cars.

Most of my friends think I'm nuts... but they're still friends.

One thing I did tell my parents was that if I die BASE jumping or skydiving:

a. I want an ash jump;
b. There better not be any lawsuits.

I find a quiet calm in the fact that i am not responsible for anyone else. It allows me to risk my life i ways i would really have to think about if i had kids etc..whos lively hood depended on me. (kind of similar to the way i decide not to go out and snowboard on a crappy day because twisting a knee on the ice would keep me from jumping over the weekend..it really about priorities.

my parents and my wuffo friends are sometimes concerned about my adrenalin exploits, but they all know i wouldnt be really happy if i didnt look for the edge in life and so understand why i play in the ways i do, even if they dont share my enthusiasm

I dont know that i would stop skydiving (or BASE once i start) for a SO since i dont think i could get that seriously involved with someone who couldnt accept that there are things i NEED to do, to be content with my place in the universe, but i would have to do some deep thinking if i knew that there was a growing life who depended on me for the chance to experience everything i have already..

a good question, i dont think there could be any absolute answer.

i started BASE before i got my gf.She has acsepted it and even say its okay after she had to find my under my A whith a werry broken leg.She´s cool

My kids love skydive and BASE,want to see video all the time

My mom and dad has acsepted it,and even while they dont understand why i do it they suport me,even when they heard i were started again after my injury.

My job only knows i skydive,and they are okay about that(dont belive they could see the different anyway)

i migth just be a lucky guy in that direction..

i have a letter that several people have a copy of - should i go in it explains alot of things to my family, asks not to place blame on anyone and details any wishes i have - i have also listed certain people i want contacted directly rather than hear it through the grapevine - it was quite a wierd experience writting that letter.........


be safe..................

fuck you still have a job??? when was the last time you went there!!! hehehehehehe

I always figured some girls'll leave you because of BASE - but lots of girls'll LOVE you because of BASE... Well, for a night or a weekend maybe, huh?

4jumps and 7,5monthago..so what do you use your "work time "to?besides chat whith meatleast ive got a deal whith my boss that says im sick atleast 3weeks more,then we´ll see if i have a job by then..If not i migth has to stay in flat land abit more

the emotionel in that would be that Mac will feel like 50years after a week whith me..

another danger in BASE.. sex aint safe anymore

Me: "Its saturday night everyone is out partying and we are on top of an electric pylon"
JD: "And you wonder why we dont meet any women"

Initially I didn't tell my folks (my gf was involved from the start - as get-away driver!) Initially she was cool with it - it was early days in our relationship, over time she is no longer keen, can't come on our beautiful European trips and watch, but accepts it's what I do.

On the folks front - I wrote a letter and distributed it, like Mac, despite them understanding my passion for skydiving I felt they would need/want to blame my best friend should something happen to me, because they knew he was into BASE and it would be an obvious link - as it happens he's my mentor, so perhaps the emotional link there is something to consider..... Max?

Later I decided that hiding it was almost as selfish as doing it, and so I visited and told my folks. Starting the 1st sentence was almost as hard as getting off my first object! Probably because I felt I had been deceiveing them for a while already. Their response was sooooooo cool. The asked sensible questions - I guess based on an understanding of skydiving that I never really credited them with. What a relief.

Of course they worry, but as my letter says "To those that worry for me, this may be considered a selfish path, but I hope they can understand that I wouldn’t be me without the option and ability to follow this route."

Take care

My fears exactly - also i made my jumping partner write one as his parents dont know and i did not want to be faced with that possible fall out that has happened with other jumpers in the past.



we would not be "us" without it - i think it selfish of the people that try to stop that........ family / friends who ever - would you ever stop one of them doing something that made them "them" and happy?

In answer to my Auntie (who has the worst reaction) "yes I do something that may be percieved as a selfish act - but i beleive you asking me not to is much more selfish"

................ the things you suffer for freedom!

Be safe out there!

   Yo !


Wow... your mileage may vary ;-)

I met a few girlfriends because i base. My best skydiving friend and CRW&crime partner started base jumping. My mother nags me to send her all base footage before i have a chance to edit (it helps she's got about a thousand skydives - in the good old round days! ;). There're many large base-related pictures hanging in my office, and bank's official car was driving me between a hotel and a tower during our last work retreat in Brazil.

Most of it is sheer luck, but i notice that positive vibes help a bit with public opinion. Black Death is a lot of fun in private ;-)

bsbd!

Yuri.

My story,

At first, just getting past the skydiving thing with my folks was tough, my mom still worries, my dad is ex-military and he gave me all the lines. He used to jib me by saying we can get hundreds of troops out from 800' in 60 seconds, what's so hard about a freefall where you open at 3000AGL. So naturally after I had about 50 BASE jumps, I took much delight in showing him my 300' freefalls and 130' PCA, night BASE jumping etc.

Basically, I decided early on that I need to know a ton about the sport in order to educate my family on it and why I do it. I chose to do that versus letting on in the beginning, mainly because I was evolving as a jumper (still am) and wanted to be sure 1 BASE is for me, and 2 I can tell you why that is.
So my mom, still worries, afterall she is mom, but my dad thinks its pretty cool. Both of them talk to their peers about my skydiving, but I asked them not to discuss BASE without me for various reasons (ask DB from Kentucky what I mean).
My girlfriend always wants to go watch us BASE etc. She thinks its way cooler than skydiving (gotta love her) and was totally fine with my risk...until she remembered we only use one chute....
The main thing I try to get across you guys already nailed, BASE is a part of me, and sad as it may be, often times defines who I am and where I am going.
I read this somewhere and I use it often when non family members/friends ask why I jump, same reason they breathe, I have to, without it, I'm not living. But for my family and friends I will go into detail about it and where my goals are in the sport. I think the letter you guys wrote is a great idea, if anyone wants to PM me a 'generic' example (no names etc), I'd love to read it for some direction. I have had the conversation about it with my sister, but I need to put it in writing for my folks.
Sorry for the ramble, this is something that is easy to not address if you don't have to, but going in without it could be far more damaging to the ones you leave behind.

Good luck!
Blair

Blair, I think you hit the nail on the head with that comment. That's what I am doing at this point, I am past the stage that I know I want to BASE jump (that came very easily) I am now working on getting enough knowledge to not only feel safe once I actually start BASE jumping, but also have the ability to impress others involved in the sport and others involved in my life that I am going about it "professionally" and with a sense of maturity, not recklessly.

All good things are worth working towards slowly and methodically. I love that BASE jumping is a natural community of people who (for the most part) recognize safety as paramount. Now only if I could get that idea across to signifigant people in my life. Jumping out of a plane with 2 parachutes is hard enough to explain to parents

will email you my "letter" on monday if you like..................

get back to me after you have made some jumps............

I found that one of the hardest things to deal with - do i want this, am i doing this for the right reasons etc

then one day i realised.....................

Thanks Mac, I can imagine this is a very personal letter, I promise you my utmost discretion.

o, and stay away from that freak FABER, he's sick

mate dont i know it!!! hehehehe - he will do well here in the UK!!!

well i love you guys aswell

As the Wife of a basejumper I would never ask my husband not to do something that I know he loves so much. I want him to enjoy his life to the fullest, however I do ask him to be as conservative as possible in his basejumping. I do not want to be left a widow nor do I want my child to end up without a father. But you also have to remember that most women and familys don't understand the connection that one has with this type of activity. As much as I would hate to loose him to the sport, I would hate it even more if he had to choose between all the things he loves so much.
Oh well just an opinion from the other side.

BASEPEACH, you define love, thank you.

I guess partners to BASE jumpers has the hardest time.Im not sure how my gf,has maneged to deal whith family and freinds,sepcialy after an injury,and then i started again.I owe my gf alot,i will never be abel to return it all,im sure she saved my life and still she stand hard to back me up in what im doing.

Do i have to tell that i love her,and mac is jaloux

HAH!!!!!!!!!!! Now I have it in writing!

I love you too sweetheart

I'm one blessed, lucky sumbitch.

Gardner

p.s. it's weird to hear the words 'conservative' and 'base jumping' used in the same sentence, but it can be done.

While family issues and how to deal with a significant other are a couple of the emotional issues in BASE, I think the biggest issue is the inner struggle.

BASE forces you to evaluate yourself on a level most people will never have to. Standing alone at the exit, there are a million things running through your mind. I have questioned my dedication to the sport, and my need to take such senseless risks. I have questioned my knowledge of what I am about to do. I have questioned whether or not I am worthy of the task.

As time goes by and I get a little more confident in the simple fears, new ones arise to take their place. This seems to be an ongoing process and I wonder if it ever stops.

I wonder if DW,TomA, D Dog, or Outrager are scared before they jump anymore. They must be. They would have to be. Fear keeps us alive.
Personally, I'm friggin' terrified. Hands shake, mouth is dry, stomach feels funny, heart is racing... but I'm not sure I ever want that to go away.

Families need to be made aware of what you're doing and you should offer your best explanation of why. It's also important that they know your wishes if something should go wrong. But they can never truly understand. No one can...

Well put. I've done a lot of things in my life that could be termed dangerous, stupid, reckless, but its always been AFTERWARDS that I realized I could of been seriously injured. BASE is a whole new territory for me in that it is a conscious desicion to do something that very well might kill you. I know, I know, getting in a car, getting in a plane, going out in a lightning storm, etc etc all are doing things that might kill you, but for some reason the fact that BASE is recreational, makes it a little more gut wrenching. I've never really had to deal with the thought that what I CHOOSE to do might end me up dead, so its a little struggle. And I havn't even started BASE jumping yet!!!

Hey 311, you got a keeper there.

You hit the nail on the head.

The big difference is that we voluntarily place ourselves into a very dangerous situaion. There are two points where I really feel the "butterflies". The first point is where I actually start climbing out onto the rail. I guess it has to do with the act of placing yourself into a very vulnerable situation.

Of course the second is actually initiating the jump. When you push off, you're doing everything that your mind has been trained over the years NOT to do.

You're doing things which go totally against instinct.

I'm pretty sure that the decision to BASE jump (or any other major life decision) ought to be made in consultation with a spouse, if you are married.

I'm also pretty certain that after seeing Lukas' children in the memorial video after the Cold Steel tragedy (I use the term precisely--I do not believe that all deaths are tragedies, I certainly feel that this was) I will stop jumping if and when I have children.

I've actually done a good bit of soul searching, some personal thought, and twenty or so pages of writing on this topic. While I'd rather not post that here, if you want to see any of it, drop me a line, and I'll try to scratch up a presentable copy.

Amen!

emailed to your DZ.com profile listed email address

Got it, thanks to both of you.
Blair

i know its hard to belive but Mac is only one(unless.. well he fells like 2..)

so who were the sick one? he he