Reuters: Seismologists attribute recent earthquake activity to collective groans from Republicans
Reuters: Seismologists attribute recent earthquake activity to collective groans from Republicans RESTON, VA - Government seismologists have confirmed recent detection of earthquake activity in the general vicinity of Washington, D.C., yesterday. Readings as high as 4.5 on the Richter scale were recorded on U.S. Geological Survey instruments, spokeswoman Denise Savant told reporters. Scientists attribute the tremors to the collective groan uttered by the Republican party as their Commander-in-Chief uttered yet another embarassing, shameful statement during bipartisan immigration reform negotiations.
Local residents called the tremor, "obviously noticeable." Arlington resident Dolores Mixton noted a slight swaying of pictures on her wall, and a framed photograph of her posing with Ronald Reagan, which she keeps in her living room, had fallen over. "They've been happening more and more frequently. I've lived here for 30 years, and it's never been this bad," she said.
The scientific readings were confirmed by researchers at nearby Georgetown University. Reverberatory effects were detected literally all the way across the country, as the collective groan spread in advance of the seismic waves.
Public safety authorities urged citizens to remain calm, and have a safety plan if tremors continue, such moving away from buildings and utility lines, and having a Canadian bank account. Scientists anticipated further groan-related tremors in the future, and did not forecast any significant geological relief until after post-midterm-election impeachment proceedings in 2019.