Basejumper.com - archive

I've had a few fucked up jobs, but all were related to my career as an LVN (Licensed Vocational Nurse) years ago.

I went to nursing school 'cuz I wanted to get dates with hot nurses and then found myself sticking my fingers in peoples' butts, seeing way too many people naked, being subjected to every kind of fucked up bodily fluid imaginable, and generally accumulating more and more reasons to hate life on a daily basis, for about $10 USD an hour or so.

One of the highlights came when a patient had pissed all over himself in bed one night. When I told the fucker to get up and take a shower, he went apeshit. He was wearing boxer shorts and a t-shirt, and was saturated with piss from head to toe.

He started jumping up and down on the bed with a crazy look in his eyes (because he *was* batshit crazy!), and the jumping was flinging and spraying piss everywhere, including in my direction.

The shithead was looking like he was going to come flying through the air, like one of those acrobatic professional wrestling moves, and attack me like a fucking shark.

I would not have minded taking him on in a straight up fight, but no way was I going to wrestle with a piss-soaked lunatic that night. I got out of there until the fucker calmed down, which he eventually did.

How about you? Got any good "fucked up job" stories?

Walt

Fun idea for a thread.

Got fired for drinking on the job while working
as a DJ in a strip club.... although ALL of the
girls were drinking/taking drugs while working.

Was a bartender in college, had a drunk pull
a gun on me the in the parking lot after I
cut him off.

Was a personal assistance for a business man
who used a wheelchair, I traveled to Vietnam
with him in 2000 where accessibility was a real
vague notion. One hotel we stayed said they
had an elevator, upon arrival they pointed to
the broken lift, smiling, saying there it is, so
I had to carry him up 3 flights of stairs.

As kid in high school I worked at Walmart,
Scotty's, and Burger King. Managed to fool
around in lay-away, the back room, and the
freezer, respectively.

Delivered pizza during community college and
had people tip me in beer and weed, ask me
come back and party with them, and got a few
offers from what would now be called cougars.

Worked in a factory making blow-torch-tips;
saw a female co-worker get her hair got in
a drill, it picked her up and tore her scalp.

Lived with a C4-C5 quad, so yep, I know
all about helping someone with their urine
and bowels. Have taken him to strip clubs,
got him ready for dates, and tranferred him
into bed so him and his girl could have sex.

Of course as a tandem master I could tell
some wild stories but I assume most here
have either experienced them too or have
heard them sitting around the bon fire.

My life's ambition used to be to have a career as a DJ in a strip club. I'm sure it could not have possibly lived up to my fantasies, but seemed like a really cool idea.

Somewhere along the way I got sidetracked and later decided I'd rather spend my time differently.

Yeah, I know that wanting to do something other than spend all my waking hours in a strip club just doesn't seem right.

Walt

hitman for Peewee Herman.

It always amazes me how you guys can pick up girls so easily.
That's probably because I'm an engineer..

when i was 15, i got hired at kmart, it was my first "real" job............i reported in, and they did NOT have a vest or nametag for me, so i was working in plain civilian clothes for my first shift. i was assigned to 3 toy isles, where my job was to walk around and make sure stuff was in order and looking good.

first lunch break on my first day, i call my buddy, he comes by with an eighth, and we toked in his car for my entire half hour lunch break. i walked back into work completely china eyed and lit up like a tinderbox. as im patrolling the toy isles, i spot a toy gumball machine, and couldnt resist. ripped into it, and chomped down a whole handful of gumballs.

little did i know, the store security guard had been following me without a clue that i worked there, he just thought i was some punk teenager. the motherfucker comes up out of nowhere and starts screaming at me about how he should have me arrested and blah blah blah. he told me to get out and never come back. so i left, still clocked in to the timeclock.

i cruised around and rode out my shift, then tried to sneak back in and was caught by the same guy when i was clocking out, he was shocked that i was an employee.

the next morning i called my boss to see what the deal was, and she simply said "you dont have a job here anymore", so that was my very first shift of my first job. didnt even last 8 hours, BOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!!!

at least i got high as fuck =)

In reality, I was worked for 3 days as an oil field worker. No safety training, 40 hours straight without sleep in 107 degree weather, working with roughnecks, and the two days after I quit, 2 guys died.

It's like the old saying....

What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities.

(It's funny 'cuz it's true!)

Walt

Yeah, thanks for lowering my self-esteem even more, asshole

Always glad to help!

Walt

Like this?

Walt

working on radio towers hands so frozen they are numb coming down in sleet having to watch them grip the side of the ladder to make sure they are 'on'.

Selling speakers out of a van

Were you living in a van down by the river?

Walt