Basejumper.com - archive

The BASE snobs who discourage truly committed and passionate up-and-coming BASE gods just because they have never seen a parachute up close just don't understand.

I will provide THE fast track to a BASE award!

Ten million bucks pre-paid includes:

* All instruction required to get BASE award
* All gear (inc. lots of GoPros) required to get BASE award
* All travel required to get BASE award
* Funeral expenses, including cremation
* I will get your remaining objects by jumping with your ashes so you can get your BASE award postumously.

Any takers?

And to the BASE snobs out there who selfishly refuse to share their knowledge and discourage newbies from taking the fast track to BASE glory, I'm gonna help my newbies show you that you are full of shit!

Walt

Don't you think this thread belongs in the BASE Beginners forum ???

And personally, I would suggest multiple GoPros

Hell no!!! That's another thing you BASE snobs don't get. It's ok for newbies to spam the forums and post wherever the hell they want!

I'm leading by example.

Edited to add:
Great idea on the multiple GoPros. One on the helmet facing forward, another helmet cam facing backward, one on each hand--especially the PC hand.

Walt

Good point. But you are still setting a bad example by only providing a single GoPro.

Ok, I have officially updated my fabulous deal.

Dude, you are the kind of guy that I want on staff!

Walt

I been on a couple of BASE ' Crash ' courses . They turn-out really well or they go bad bad pretty quick . Either way they were entertaining . Multiple camera angles suggested .
Don't care what they say about you . The Posthumous Award thing is pretty cool . Shows that you are a bigger man than they tell .
.

Is there a "Platinum Package" that includes lifetime royalty rights to Nickelback soundtrack material for the GoPro footage?

Thank you for considering my question.

~ Chris

Sounds kind of expensive.

If you charge $9,999,999.00 you will get more takers.

Ten million just sounds like a lot of money.

Maybe he'll take a check.

I will consider it. "Burn it to the Ground" and "If Today was you're Last Day" will not be allowed.

Walt

Free market competition!

Ill do it for $5 million. Ill provide all the above plus I'll personally moderate your really cool youtube account. You'll get a tshirt to show off to all your buddies. And I will include all the rubberbands for the entirety of your career.

But wait, theres more!

Not one, but 2 snuggies in your choice of color.

~J

I'm concerned that neither of you are consider students who are after a fast track to wingsuit proximity flying.

For this reason, I propose a new course - one that will include a wingsuit and 11 GoPro's.

For this, we will want 11,000,000 dollars.

Walt I think you should have me on staff. With my minimal experience I'm fairly confident I can contribute to this operation. Yes?

I WANT THAT!

Because your "Houston BURN" post, you have enough "cool points" to not only be on staff but to be head honcho!

Walt

What's that in hard currency?

Like £10?

Fuck yes. I'm going to hold the rope that makes the sheet come out of the backpack.

I'll teach them how to pull their own cord!

Walt

shlare the yonkels shlare the yonkels

Can I be ground crew? I have my own shovel and some garbage bags!

only Shovel & garbage Bag . ...PhFfffffff . This is Minimum recommended carry Gear for Ground Crew .
-

.

you might be pricing yourself out of the market.

instead of money, why not let them just name you as beneficiary of a huge life insurance plan. those ought to be cheap for a 20 year old! then in a class of 10, surely one will pay off.

real investors know not every "investment" pays off.

You just might have planted the seed that will make the zero-prior-experience mentoring business explode!

Doesn't really apply to me, though. The price tag is not because of greed on my part--it's to weed out the newbies who aren't really committed.

Besides, I'm not doing this for the money. I'm in it for the job satisfaction.

Walt

If the newbee is short on cash, how about a barter system with let's say, his girlfriend?

Are you kidding? More like £5 in today's market.

For this fiver, I will not only provide instructions on how to make a wingsuit, a full 20 minutes of tuition, but also, at no extra cost, 3 rubber bands that can be used in the narly world of BASE.

BUT WAIT

If you order in the next 5 minutes, I'll also include AT NO EXTRA charge:

A pre-printed last will and testament
A second set of wingsuit construction instructions for your buddy
AND a link to a YouTube video of people ACTUALLY proximity flying!!

THATS NOT ALL THOUGH

Order right now and we'll DOUBLE the number of YouTube links AND BASE specific rubber bands

DON'T MISS THIS SPECIAL OFFER!

call it "Bounce Bingo BASE Instruction"

Real investors know how to offset potential losses by proper hedging.

Jesus.....What is the duct tape and billy club for?

The only thing I didn't see was a condom.

Ray don't use condoms

is there a weight limit in BASE jumping???

I dont think so... but you have to slap a couple nipples on each of those folds!

S/l anchor?

This picture reminds me of how much I love cheese.

Hey Newbies,

That is one of the many questions I will answer in my fabulous course, and the answer is nowhere near as simple as you might think.

Everyone knows that on a skydive, when a jumper deploys their parachute, they go back up. You can watch nearly any skydiving video and see that.

Have you noticed that as altitude dimishes, so does the phenomenon of a jumper going back up when they deploy their parachute?

Check it out on youtube. You may see jumpers going back up when they deploy on the very highest BASE jumps, but *not* when they deploy at treetop level.

Why is that?

It's because the earth's gravitational field diminishes as you get further away. This is one of nature's cruel realities. When someone deploys a parachute at very low altitudes, they really *need* that ability to go back up but it does not happen.

This brings us to the concept of weight limits for BASE jumping.

Newton explained it with this formula:

F = G * (M1*M2)/R**2
where:
F is the force between two masses (M1 and M2)
G is the gravitational constant
M1 is the first mass
M2 is the second mass
R is the distance between the centers of the masses

This clearly shows that the gravitational force on a jumper increases proportionately to their weight *and* as their altitude decreases.

This puts heavier jumpers at a severe disadvantage as they approach the ground in freefall. The increased gravitational pull on a heavy person becomes so enormous that they have been known to accelerate to nearly the speed of light on a low jump.

Not only does their near light-speed velocity rapidly eat up their altitude, but as Einstein showed, as they approach the speed of light, their mass actually increases, exponentially compounding the problem.

This is why you never see morbidly obese people BASE jumping and only rarely see them on skydives.

What is the weight limit? You will find that out and much, much more when you hire me and my elite team as your BASE mentors!

Walt

I wonder if taser technology recently tested on BASE jumpers can be applied to teaching students proximity flying. Traditional progression with skydiving, then doing slider down jumps from a bridge, skydiving wingsuit, etc. is too slow for modern age. How about attaching multiple contact pads to student's body, connecting them to radio-controlled taser, and letting the instructor fly the student remotely by sending convulsive jolts to various parts of student's body? Video link will allow instructor be thousands miles away - just like bombing Iraq from UAVs. A helmet-mounted iPad 3 with Retina display will show student various hints, like "Fly, baby, fly!", "Don't bend your knees, you're not f10cking", "Remember: your feet are closer to the ledge than your head... Oh, nevermind. You no longer have them...", "Count to 3 and pull yer ripcord", etc.

Voyla! Proxy fly like a pro, on your first parachute jump, ever!

Through extensive experiments, I found this totally true. Moreover, the coefficient of proportionality is equal exactly to 1.000000000000... Millionaire or poor, young or old, big tits or just nipples, it's one for everyone.

So, to calculate your gravitational force, enter your weight into calculator, hit "*", then enter 1.00000000000... with as many zeros as your calculator would allow (the more zeros you can enter, the more accurate the result will be), hit "=". That's it!

http://www.watchthybridle.com/2011/12/base-aff/

get your official IWABRTISAJBOPL rating (“idiot with a base rig that is still alive just because of pure luck”)

(we tried a few times now, but no student made it through all levels....)