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I see him open his carefully made wings, while I open my rags that gives a slight opening shock, I see his rags are flying off his body in pieces, while mine cling to these arms in flight.

Words flash in my mind...he's going to fall n not fly like the plan we so perfectly planned to bring us safely will now make him die.

this boy, my brother's in the tree. I watch.
Fear! fills my hear for my twin, my friend, fear of knowing the strength of the tree against his little head
is toomuch he surely is dead.

scrambling to reshape his mangled up head,'i scream to the heavens above come help me put it back before he's dead

Helplessness fills me i now know it's too late.

Deep sadness flows away and im empty inside.

soon the people are running from the hills to disturb my private silence with my brother whose dead.
'they come to see his smashed up head

that's when i vow silence for yrs to come, for my hatred for these vultures would consume my life and I'd too end up dead.

for what do they want here? to understand what its like to be dead by staring at this boys smashed up head?

i get up and walk toward the forest lonely without my brother by my side. Like all the other times we jumped off this site.

we were a team, the towns other kids knew us as fast hands and quick mind, and never too lazy to try something crazy. journals of love and useless child games they kept, we wrote our journal in detail of the belief we had,
that we'd fly like the birds if we jumped off things,
to perfect this thing-"SUOMEN SISU1"-mabye means "crazy Finn's1" we'd write on our backs each time we conquered a roof top, a window or a ski jump tower, running faster then the adults chasing we knew the secrets holes in fences and hiding holes in bushes.

but now to them all he was only a sight only seen in movies and stories -now in real life. -something to brag to the kids at school, to brag they saw his body crushed like it was a contest who has now the goriest story to tell, of the Suomen sisu who flew off the ski hill tower to his death-not so smart these twins are now they'd laugh.

a vow of silence i made, for 6 yrs to honor the life that we had a chance to share.


finally here now it's safe to tell the story
-or maybe not.

move this to where ever it belongs-im not so savy with writing my pain so remove it if's improper to share any place.

Nice!

Thanks for sharing.

One never really recovers from this sort of thing.

perpahs in some ways no-but as someone said,
guilt will kill you before BASE does.

I was able to release the guilt around age 12, now my brother is my inspiration, my constant companion in all the jumps I do.

Today, I KNOW Paul flies with me-he's been there to playfully tug at my n flip me around in FF for some awesome tumbles unexpexadly @ 10 grand, (surely laughing his head off @ me ),
and once to save my life

-with a spinning mal, from a low alt. jump- with the forces involved it took 2 sec's by the time I was able to get to my cut away handle, my audible was screaming @ me -telling me it was time to get that reserve out or....

as my Decelerator grabbed the air and announced her sudden appearance (I LOVE reserves that dont take their time to show up but snap my back with the statement of "I'm here so lets fly "), I knew Paul was there to give me a helping hand.


But thanks for your words.

I'm glad you understood what I meant by the 1st post.

i'm told i'm totally socially inept-can't explain things in a manner that makes sense (like when i motion my hand at the pilot chute-people think I jump stowed-while it's a static line with me trying to do a 'practice pull' like the old TTO days in skydiving)... causes me lots of problems-anyways thats just an example of how stupid i AM SOCIALLY and in EXPRESSING MYSELF.

Just yesterday @ the DZ (i live here-so when others asked me "why on EARTH would you want to live @ an airport, I'd say,"well I got a 900hp Caravan sitting in my front yard, whats in yours?" -literally as I looked out my front window-I could see her parked there-and the announcement that it was time to start gearing up-at home- was when I'd see Jason [pilot] getting his 'lil girl' untiled and moving her to the loading ares)...

Yesterday I tried to be humerous-NOT a good thing for me to attempt.
like my girl says I'm a dork

I figured if I asked my DZO if i can jump a stratocaster (was going to add with a wammy bar and the amp-making the term 'air guitar' into a new form-but had no chance for that before the reply came "WHAT THE HELL IS A...) ok i had to shut down then...

I know they wont let me go totally old school-with a belly mount reserve-although its what I'd REALLY LIKE

it's about the only old canopy i think i can land somewhat gentle -as my DZO expects from a "gimp" like me-he's right-IF a paralyzed skydiver bounces, or gets injured in the skydiving world it will be difficult to find any DZ who will allow other paraplegics to start learning how to skydive=so i got to play by his safety rules for the sake of others to come....
so far so good-the landings are the real 'kicker'-butt slide all the way-learning to do it blind man style now-to him pulling his hair out-but with a few hundred jumps in sliding on my butt with various wind -or no wind-conditions its been working out good so far.

only place i've done 'damage' is a broken ankle on the landing on rocks on the old raven i had two yrs ago-but its all history now....
'and caused me a LOT of grief....
'
(if old army reserve's can be called 'gentle'-but hell i love the crash bang boom landings on the old raven2m ried my blackjack the other day and she lands with a powerful flare in comparison)

I've had-that's the shit that turns my crank-this whole but sliding shit is just because i HAVE TO WEAR THOSE PANTS WITH THE PULL UP STRAPS but in my own world of jumping, i just wear lots of body armor and,...

My sister was wrapped up in her reserve when I found her. It was and is still the most horrible thing I have ever seen.
The very next day my wife found out that she was pregnant and 9 months later we had a girl. If it wasn't for that I think I would have let everything go.

In the end things always work out and landing on your butt is still landing.

oohh dude-yes it is the most horrific thing to find a loved one.... i so understand how it feels-just reading your words the vivid imagery flashes by...

a little baby girl 9 months later-that is absolutely astounding-i can only think of how she came back to be with you-but im sorry if those thoughts do not fit with your beliefs.

it was what goes through my mind at times-Paul sent me Michelle-for she is in so many ways like me as a child, unlike my son who came from a different pool all together-a lovely young man he is @ 19 now (my gil just turned 17).

yes things do have a way of working out so our loved ones remain in precious crevices of our souls, and we do find ways to go on.

i'm deeply honoured for having you share with me this-what has happened.
peace n love your way
-minna

Shot!

Peace and Love to you too!

poc