Basejumper.com - archive

didja hear about the midget, psychic that escaped from prison?

there is a small medium at large

bah hah hahahhaaha

ps, i got a million of em!

ie dyslexic insomniac agnostic

or toothless termite that walked into a bar

Heard this one yesterday.......

What's red and smells like blue paint?




Red Paint!!

what do BASE jumpers use for birth control?

Answer: their personalities.

this one is from dewolf:

two antenna met on a roof-top, fell in love & got married.
the wedding was ok, but the reception was incredible!

ahhhh......ahhhhh.......ahhhhh........ahhhhhh

regarding women - say it with chocolate - say it with flowers - say it with perfume - but never ever say it in writing. (regarding common law marriage)

Do you know how to cook toilet paper?

Me neither, but I know how to brown one side.

Told by Troy from FL while hiking, many times

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzHBszZn6uo

sweet!! now i got a million & 51

not really, i had some of those already counted (not the pokemon &/or dragonball z ones)

 

www.dropzone.com

win

that is bad & funny!!
perfect

So there's these two race horses, Ned and Ted. They're best friends. Ned is fast, and always wins his races. he's never lost. Ted is forever coming in second. One day Ted says to Ned, "Hey Ned, how about letting me win just one race?" Ned thinks about it for a while, and agrees to back off on the last leg of their next race. The race comes around, Ned and Ted are neck and neck down the final straightaway, finish line looming. Ted starts to pull ahead of Ned. Ned panics, realizing he's never lost a race, and sprints across the finish line, beating Ted. After the race, ned appologizes to Ted, he didn't know what came over him, but promises that he'll let Ted have the next race. So a few weeks later, Ned and Ted are neck and neck again, and the same thing happens. Later that night, Ned and Ted sit down at a bar to have a drink. Ted asks Ned, "hey Ned, I thought we talked about this? I'm gonna retire soon, and I just want to make the winner's circle once." There's a dog bartending, and he interrupts Ned and Ted: "can i get you fellows a drink?" Ned Looks at Ted, Ted looks back at Ned, and says "Holy shit, a talking dog!!!"

Two nuns, Sister Stella and Sister Helen, are traveling through europe in their car.


They get to Transylvania and are

stopped at a traffic light.



Suddenly, out of nowhere a tiny little

Dracula jumps onto the hood of the

car and hisses at them through the

windshield



Quick Quick shouts Sister Stella.

What shall we do?

'Turn the windshield wipers on. That

will get rid of the abomination,' says

Sister Helen.



Sister Stella switches them on,

knocking Dracula about, but he clings

on and continues hissing at the nuns.

'What shall I do now?' she shouts.

'Switch on the windshield washer. I

filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican,'

says Sister Helen.



Sister Stella turns on the windshield

washer. Dracula screams as the

water burns his skin, but he clings on

and continues hissing at the nuns.



'Now what?' shouts Sister Stella.



'show him your cross,' says Sister Helen.



"Now you're talking,' says Sister

Stella.



She opens the window and shouts,

'Get the fuck off the car!


Don't take credit for it but if you like this one I got more...

 

A priest moves into a new church in an inner city. He's a very innocent soul, and he's shocked at all the poverty, crime, and prostitution he sees everywhere around him. Every day walking to work, he passes whores on the street who say, "Hey father, $5 for a blowjob."

But being innocent, he was a little confused, and one day went up to one of the nuns at his church and said, "excuse me sister, but can you please tell me what a blow job is?" She looks at him, stupefied, and says, "five bucks, just like anywhere else!"

 what is the most expensive thing in the world???

free pussy

You hear about the gay midget??

He came out of the cabinet

Credit:gweeks

Here's a bad joke for ya..

.... Maryland.

Lol.

haha 561 has a million bad jokes. yet we laugh everytime.

~Jake

i don't eat lamb

it makes me baaarf

A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm gonna serve ya, but you better not start anything."
bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaa
is my picture up now?

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the same side

(one for all you nerds out there)

A blind man walks into a shop with a seeing eye dog. He grabs the dog by the back legs and starts swinging it around the shop. The shop-keeper yells, "what the fuck are you doing man?" to which the blind man says, "ah, just looking around."

One more...
What is the difference between golfers and base jumpers?
Golfers go WHACK! SHIT!
Base jumpers go SHIIIIT! WHACK!

Grubber (logged in as Spiderbaby)

A punk kid with a purple mohawk strolls up to a Farmer and say's "Hey Farmer Joe! I noticed you have some milk weed growing out in the field. You mind if I get some milk?"

The Farmer just shook his head in disgust and said "Are you on dope punk? Go ahead and grab all the milk you think can carry!"

Five minutes later, the punk comes back carrying two full buckets of milk. "Thanks Farmer Joe!" The Farmer just shakes his head.

An hour later, the punk comes back and says "Hey Farmer Joe! I noticed you have some butter cups growing in your field, do you care if I get some butter?"

The Farmer just shook his head again and said "Yeah sure ya dumb ass punk, take all the butter you can churn up."

Five minutes later, here comes the punk carrying two full buckets of butter. "Thanks Farmer Joe!!!"

The Farmer shakes his head in disbelief and says "Smoke another one while you're gone and don't come back ya little psycho!"

An hour later, here comes the punk again and he says "Hey Farmer Joe! I noticed you got some pussy willows growing down by the creek...."

The Farmer said "Hold on a second there son, I'm just gonna grab my hat." :-)

Why did the Amway salesman cross the road?


....to try and sell something to the chicken...

what did the caveman say when he first had chicken? A: "tastes just like everything else!"

A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The young man answered, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."

The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"

The Aussie said "One."

The manager groaned and continued "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

"£101 237.64" The Aussie replied.

The manager choked and exclaimed £101 237.64? What the hell did you sell him?"

"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".

The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?".

"No no no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said........."Well, since your weekend's fucked, you might as well go fishing!""