life and death
life or death
one question ive been asked at times is "are you afraid of dieing?"and to be honest im not sure how to answer.
i will spare everyone the bullshit "everyone dies but not every man truly lives" movie quote answers. being a skydiver and base jumper god knows Ive heard them all. although they are all very valid they just sound so "sound bite cheesy"! id rather speak from the heart.
am i afraid of dieing?
instinctively, yes. i think we all have an instinct to survive as human beings but that's different than being afraid to die. if i didn't have that then i would agree that i have a "death wish". even those who have ended their own life through suicide have a hard time climbing over the railing on the 50th floor balcony to jump to their desired end. this is how powerful that instinct actually is. its not an easy thing to over ride. i know this well from base jumping. Ive actually experienced the survival instinct "over rule" the conscious mental command to my legs to run off the first cliff i attempted to base jump from. it was a strange and wonderful feeling and revealed to me the level of our physiological construct as a species.
am i afraid to die?
its hard to answer that question with a one size fits all answer. for example, if i was to know that tomorrow i would get in a car accident and be trapped in the wreckage burning to death the answer would be yes. yes i am.if you were to tell me im going to die as the first tattooed dirt bag allowed on the space shuttle during re-entry after spending a week orbiting the cosmos my answer would be no. no i am not. even though death would come in the same form the scenario makes all the difference to me. yes i would be willing to die to experience something as amazing as space travel. then the other side of the coin is dying in a car wreck would just kind of suck..... HOWEVER, were aren't actually talking about dieing are we? were actually talking about ways to die, so neither of these answers are accurate.
am i afraid to die.
there's a whole other chunk to this rock i haven't brought up yet. that's the knowing we all have of what it feels like when a loved one dies. we all know that when we expire others will hurt. some may never be the same. this i feel, subconsciously attaches itself to the thought of our own personal demise. when we feel afraid of dying, i just have to believe that there's a portion there that's actually scared of hurting others. its very hard to separate the two. think about this for a moment. depending on personal beliefs you either move on to another life, go to a place like heaven, or simply cease to be. so what the fuck do you care if your dead. we care about others grieving for us.
am i scared to die.
. i don't wish to hurry this event but lets face it its going to happen to every single organism on the planet! so if everyone is so scared of it, they are all doing a pretty good job of hiding the fact. to me if your spending most of your waking life playing x-box, complaining, or working in a fucking cubical for shit money id say you appear much less scared of dieing than someone paragliding, base jumping or summiting Everest! of these two who's the ones acting like they have all the time in the world to live? this is why i always find it ironic when people ask my why i would take the risks i take. my only reply is, "my life is ending one min at a time, why wouldn't i ?"
its become clear to me now after writing this that i don't have an answer because its a pointless question. what does it matter. being or not being afraid of death isn't why i live my life the way i do. i live my life this way because it brings me joy. actually it brings me so much joy that i wonder how many others have been so truly blessed.
i guess i would only say this. that i would be more scared to not live life in a manner i choose, a life that i didn't seize each opportunity to experience all that i am capable of.
am i afraid to die?
i don't know. and i don't care.
