Basejumper.com - archive

 

what the author forgot to mention is that she wants to write a longer version. she only posted the preliminary stuff.

anyone interested in reading more?
anyone spot flaws?
etc.?

she is looking for feedback.

thanks!

"BASE story with sex scene-fiction" makes it sound as though there is no sex in the world of BASE.

Thank you for clarifying the intent of the post.

As wwarped has stated I am looking for feedback, so please don't be shy.

Your time is much appreciated.

Very cool well written story. If you can keep from pitching a tent at work and the cubicle cops don't bust you for this stuff, I recommend it. it is nice to be able to connect with something well written (as a base jumper) so easily. Best BASE fiction I have ever read, no doubt.

Thank you so very much for your kinds words.

I am going with the "don't ask, don't tell" on the "tent pitching" aspect.

I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

 
The intro is all I've read so far. I'm trying to puzzle out the paragraphs from all the tecnoshit in the attachment. Any body want to give me a hint on that?

Never the less I like the idea of a base novel. Very cool that your working on one. Top marks for fantasy. Personally I've never found some hot base chick lurking around one of my exit points. And trust me I've looked. The closest I ever came was a female ring seal that was hideing behind an iceburg and even she took one look at me and dove into a hole in the ice. So spin me a nice tale to keep me warm in my tent. I'm hopeing they'll fly off into the sunset under canopy in a two stack. That is if I can figure out how to read the damn thing.

Now a rant. I've always been a little disapointed that we don't really have a littiture of our own. Most sports do. I'll use climbing as an example. The library of their writeing is vast. There is a deep rich tradition of history, story, and legend. The boundries between the three not allways being clear. Flying is another close cusin that has a fairly rich literiture. I've never been sure exactly why it is that we suck. With a few notable exceptions skydiving and base haven't really produiced any books. YOu can't tell me the stories aren't there. I've been a witness to to many of them. I obveously can't write for shit but you people need to get off your collective asses and start makeing a record. The sad thing is that with a five year life span in the sport so much is lost and frogotten and never passed on. Some times I think that this right here is our legacy. I'm sorry, it's just not the same. Please let us be remembered in more then Magots poetry.

Lee

"Personally I've never found some hot base chick lurking around one of my exit points. And trust me I've looked."

There is always the next jump my friend, never stop looking.

Thank you for your kind words, I emailed you the completed draft to rid you of tecnoshit.

Be well.

I appreciate the comments and messages I received regarding the preliminary story. I know there are grammatical errors and typos...it's a rough draft, please forgive me those.

With that being said, I am surprised that such an outgoing, free spirited group of individuals haven't been more vocal.

In order for me to develop the story so that you the target audience can relate to the characters and the situations, I need your input.

You don't have to write a critique or anything of great detail, just suggestions on ideas as to where the story could lead or who you see the characters as being.

Is there a jump site that should be featured? What are some of the terms and/or slang used in BASE?

If I remove the erotic sex scene is the story still worth reading?

You are all interesting individuals, if you were the character in the story what would I write about you?

Thank you for your assistance.

There are some real well known sites that
could offer interesting and uniquely BASE
related plot lines, such as traveling with a
rig, some of the the wacky questions by
airport sheep, logistics, meeting up with
jumpers in other areas, etc.


Surfing through the Technical Forum could
probably give you a quick education of the
terms and of course several would be more
than willing to translate their meaning.


Depends on what happens next, so far we
have a chance encounter and cool building
jump, the ending leaves us thinking about
Claire's dead brother, how he died, and
what her & Raven do at KL.


Red pubes, great in bed, slow climber, and
cries like 7 year old kid at most exit points

Alrighty, I will peruse the Technical section more closely and make a note regarding words that I am clueless too.
Airport Sheep? I am guessing this has nothing to do with that angry badger you spoke of f*cking.

Since I already have them meeting up at KL, anyone care to share what that event is like and the how's of it?

So, I will take it that you didn't mind the erotic sex scene...suggestion: reading it to your wife or girlfriend will work in your favor. Although, as you list, "great in bed" already as one of your attributes, perhaps you are ahead of me.

Is there video of said crying like a 7 year old?

Thanks for your ideas, all very helpful.

The sex scene totally enhances the story! But now I need to buy a new kkkkkkkkeyboard. Thinkkkking about RiggerLee, GreenMachine's red pubes and that female ring seal got my 'kkkkkkkk' kkkkkkkey all stickkkkkkkkkky.

Send me your address, I will replace your keyboard.

Tell me, were you wearing your flippers while reading?

lefty.

All three of them...

Don't worry about the keyboard, I fixed it

Good man!

I hate it when animals or keyboards are harmed following the reading of my words.

So...Mr. Ghetto...besides the need to distribute antiseptic wipes prior to reading, do you have any ideas as to where the story story should lead?

Hmm... OK I'll bite.

It's probably important to let details of Claire's background be revealed slowly, both to the reader and to Raven, in order to maintain an aire of mystery. Overall the plot and writing style are great, though some of the dialogue could use a little development, e.g. the conversation between Claire and her sister where Claire storms off. I do like the way you accurately represented a common point of tension that jumpers and their families are often faced with.

Some thoughts for future plot development:

1. The sister absolutely has to be hot

2. Her sister somehow either seduces Raven by making him think she's Claire (in the dark of night, wearing the stolen catwoman suit, perhaps), resulting in someone sabotaging somebody's gear, perhaps with a big misunderstanding that gets cleared up just milliseconds before (or after, if you want a dark/tragic twist) that person exits the KL tower... or just have her walk in on Claire and Raven and turn it into a threesome if you're going for a more erotic feel.

3. The sister absolutely has to be hot

4. Occasional flashbacks to a parallel storyline that reveal some of the mystery surrounding the characters' pasts would be a great way to slowly leak more juicy info.

5. Hank Caylor should make a guest appearance at some point, busting out of the Men's room screaming with a raging case of The Clap.

There doesn't need to be any foreshadowing or explanation of this, just make it happen and make it random. Spare us the gruesome details on this one though.

6. If Raven gets one of them pregnant, you gotta name the kid Raven II

Agreed. actually with all the other ones also.

I bet you do bite.

1. Hot sister. Got it!
2. The sister is married with kids and thinks Claire is reckless, I don't think she would seduce Raven. Too out of character. Can we do a Base Groupie coming between Raven and Claire at some point?
3. Again, Hot Sister.
4. Parallel storyline, okay, doable.
5. Um, I need to Google search "Hank Caylor" I will have to get back to you on that one.
6. I thought the child could be Ghetto, no?

All wonderful possibilities. I like it. Keep 'em coming.

excellent idea. win
dont even try it. nothing on even the two girls one cup filled internet can come close to describing the Hank Caylor accurately.
Raven II is much more believable. its kinda the unwanted redheaded stepchild of BASE jumping.

I don't have your mad forum skills with the quotes, sorry.

Now I am frightened and intrigued about Hank Caylor..."to google or not to google, that is the question"

Why is Raven II, the unwanted redheaded stepchild of BASE jumping?

 
This is why there is no base jumping literiture and perhaps it's forr the best. The sad thing is every one here would get and laugh at all the inside jokes he just made. Perhaps our sport would be better represented in a screw ball slap stick comedy. Maybe a cartoon, alla RoadRunner, would be the best meadeium and the closest fit to our lives. Rather then an erotic novel. God knows I never get laid like that.

Lee


Lee

Agreed with Calvin on all points. However, if you'd like to use my name, I think a great character to bear it would be the Sex Guru that taught Claire everything she knows (to be revealed in a flashback or something, with a steamy instructional sex scene and an exchange of a large sum of cash given to the Guru in payment for access to his bottomless pit of knowledge)

 
Raven II is a canopy that is often modified to be used as a base canopy. There is a strong movement towards base specific canopies. I and a few other hold outs maintain that people should learn to modify and retrim such a canopy as part of the basic skill set to be a base jumper. In the mean time we sit back and laugh as young punks pay five to ten times as much for there gear.

Lee

...right where he wants you...


You used the word 'Lee' four (4) times in one signature.

Does this charm of yours work with the ladies?

A Male Sex Guru?

I am more concerned with writing the details of Claire's base training, as I have no experience in that arena.

I will confide in you that I am a little worried that you and Calvin are in sync with your thinking.

Perhaps Ghetto is both a Sex and BASE guru? OK, the second one's a stretch, but it could make for some interesting BASE training

 
Nothing can begen to describe or prepare you for meating Hank Caylor. The man, the myth, the legend. You will just have to wait with baited breath for that moment to come. Just as a young pubesent girl waits filled with angsiety when she thinks of one day expereanceing anal sex. But don't worry if you continue to hang around base jumpers the encounter is just as certin as the fate of the teenage vergin that has just been accepted on the chearleading squad.

Lee

"Hello Cleveland"

Note to Self: "Do not ever drink or jump with Ghetto".

The latter will be easy as the only thing I have ever jumped from is my mother's furniture.

Second Note to Self: No hanging around BASE jumpers.
Online contact only.

 
Don't worry he'll be gental with you. Exspecaly if it's the first time you've met.

Lee

I have no worries Lee. I am sure that Mr. Ghetto is a perfect gentleman.

The standard that if a lady wants to be treated like a lady, then she has to act like a lady still holds true in today's world.

 
I was refering to Hank. Don't sweet Ghetto. He's a Chihuahua trying to hump your leg in compairison.

Lee

ah, thanks for the clarification Lee.

Leg humping Chihuahua and Sex Guru are defiantly at different ends of the spectrum.

You could teach skiing.

To Chihuahua's?

Hecker: 1
Ghetto: 0

Come on explain the joke to the new kid.

I believe they are referencing how Ghetto broke his arm while holding his pole. ski pole that is...

yep, let Ghetto teach skiing.

Ah...it's my understanding that duct tape can fix anything. Sounds like Ghetto needs to keep some handy at all times.

they recently reposted how Ghetto earned the moniker. it wasn't because he kept things handy...

he showed up at a smoke stack for his 3rd jump lacking boots and other semi-important gear.

I remember reading about that, so unlike Raven.

I think its now 1-1 from our last bitch fight

The joke is I poked fun at Calvin19 one too many times for being the balding, brain-damaged cripple that he is, so Karma came around full circle and I found myself lying there on the ground in disbelief with my arm dangling like a limp noodle from a new elbow in my humerus, staring up at Calvin with a puzzled look on my face

Damn and Ouch.

I have seen duct tape used in such a situation.

Thanks, I'll have to keep some handy next time I do something else dangerous like not base jumping

No Contest No contest, But I did score an average of 126 IQ in all categories in my most recent (May, 2008) complete neurological-psychiatric, problem solving, creativity, etc battery and average or above in all other categories examined Contested. last time I did an A with you you and the tomato pussied out and we went from 800 feet below where we could have gone, and we climbed out of that canyon at a semi even pace. I would say that for the elephant man/bionic leg I have I do pretty damn good and keep up just fine. when I was in the brain/spinal injury hospital recovering from severe head trauma, I shared a room with a patient that fell off his bike and will never move or feel anything below his chest. I am not a cripple.

I even remember the first time I realized I was in a different boat than this kid. I cannot even remember his name. It was the beginning of April, 2006. we both were in wheelchairs, and I did not even think that there could be that much different about our injuries. at first glance we both were fine other than being in wheelchairs, only I crashed a glider, and he crashed a bike. then he asked me if my leg hurt, and without thinking about it I told him it was painful as hell and I hoped they give me more drugs soon. the look in his eye I will never forget. kid is my hero for keeping a straight face. I had nothing to say after I realized that. It was around then I realized how god damn lucky I was that i knew how to PLF, and that I was wearing Back protection (integrated into harness system) and a helmet. there is no doubt in my mind that were any of those 3 things not there, I would be dead or typing with my tongue.

Needs to be two sentences.


Too many 'although's.


Horribly convoluted sentence.


Does he want to be a loner, or does he want to get over his shyness?


Inconsistent. Has he just walked through the door and over to dome, or has he been mooching about for half an hour? Also a huge run-on sentence, and are you using quote marks for character's inner thoughts or not?


Raven doesn't seem to have a consistent voice. Is he relaxed and familiar, or stiff and formal?


Multiple questions in single lumps of dialogue aren't good.

"All alone" would probably work better as "alone." Both times.

That's what I told my waitress last night as I struggled to hold my fork with my teeth while I cut my ridiculously overpriced steak with my good arm. She didn't seem convinced

Bikes are dangerous, probably more so than all of our parachute shit combined. I hope they figure out all that stem cell stuff someday soon so they can fix me when I wreck. gulp.

Thank you for your time in reading and commenting, very much appreciated.

All valid points.

When I read the beginning of your sentence, "That's what I told the waitress last night"...

I thought we were going to be privy to some of your sage Sex Guru advice.

If you could get my mind and yours out of the gutter, would you kindly attempt to write about the first time you based jumped.

Please.

The mean for IQ is 100, a standard deviation is 15,
hence your score being 26 points above the mean
puts you 1.7 standard deviations above the norm.

Not bad, but your chess game needs work!

the fact that the average test scores for these were 126 was not that weird, had I taken the old school IQ exam I am sure it would be much lower. I have always been good at those things. when I was 12 or 13 my mother wanted to put me in a private school after she did not believe the doctor that I did not have ADD, (I do not, and have never had ADD) she brought me to a psychairist or psychologist [or whatever they are] and he gave me a week long 'intelligence' test as part of the exam and therapy to figure out why i am the way I am, and why I liked fire. (I was sometimes disruptive in class, and my rents over-reacted, I was firstborn, etc) they ended up telling my parents that every kid likes fire and that I was disruptive because I was bored. they also told them that they should come in for therapy sessions and I should stay at home. a few months later my dad moved out. weird.

anyway, focus. the test then in 1997 or sometime around then showed I had an IQ of 119 or 121. that was the only true 'IQ/intelligence' test I have ever taken. the new one from last year was more focused on my ability to solve problems quickly, create solutions for scenarios, etc. the test had a output of "IQ equivalency" that was based on the original IQ tests. still with a mean of 100. on some that required more short term memory I scored below 100. Ill see if I can find the report with all the raw data and test scores, its almost funny. one section I got a 146. the Neuropsyche guy said the scores should be much more consistent with each other, but the injury made them asymmetric. I'm hopeing that since the average of them all is still above average, I will be allowed to be a real person again. I have been an invalid for too long.

Quite true, or at least me and every
kid I ever hung out with... I mean
who hasn't used a can of old school
hair spray and a lighter to have fun?


Again, sounds real familiar


I am sure at the time that was sad
but now that sounds damn funny!!

I think I had the most problems with thinking it was my fault. but now, yes, it is funny. and it is great having two Christmas's and two birthdays. it's good that they are both happy with other people now also. I got an F-16 pilot as a stepdad. pretty cool. crazy conservative. but pretty cool nonetheless.

My parents divorced 30 seconds
after I graduated from high school
and both got re-married also.

However none of the new peeps
were cool pilots or anything

Do you boys need a hug or a tissue or something? Leave the sappy childhood drama bullshit behind and bottle up your emotions like real men!

Alright tough guy, how 'bout the board?