Re: [BASE_1007] Fatality - Lauterbrunnen
Hi Everyone,
My heart is pounding as I write and relive this for you. I've known for days that I needed to post, but from Blinc to DZ.com to here, I've just never enjoyed the tone of these boards and have maybe posted 3 times since I started jumping in 2001.
To those of you who know and love me, thank you so very much for the emails, phone calls and your support. It has meant so much to me and has been a huge source of strength. To those of you who have suffered many losses and are calloused by another one, I share your hunger for information and urge to understand - although I think some things are not meant for us to understand. I too have lost many, many friends on this journey. I too have felt hardened each time and wanted to tune out, but once it happens on your jump, it has the opposite effect - it makes you soft and grateful and spiritual in your own way. I've needed the past few days to get back to the states and figure out how to make arrangements and all the stuff I've never planned before - just attended. It's a different world on this side of the incident, and I wish this for none of you.
He's not an un-identified jumper, he had a name and his name was Bert Brooks. He was heads up, hardcore, experienced, and he went for it. He absolutely loved jumping. Together we loved big walls. He was more of a purist jumper meaning that the majority of his jumps were earned - a climb, a hike, recon, an arrest, etc., or an occasional flick off a friend's balcony - not a hundred hops off the Perrine by any means. He had a wide variety of objects and approximately 280 base jumps and maybe 500-600 skydives. He had jumps with problems before and he handled it. He could flip and track and swoop; he was on top of his game. He was not a stranger to this craziness, and he definitely knew the score. He was also my best friend and it's impossible for me to write a factual account without the emotion, and for that I will not apologize.
This was our second trip to the valley, but our first time at the nose. We were there last year and jumped only Yellow Ocean and La Mousse. I had refused to jump the nose because Nik Hartshorne PCA'd my first jump at the Perrine. I was never able to forget the image of what I imagined his death looked like. Now I have seen it.
This trip turned so many corners from the minute we arrived in Europe. Our plan was to warm up in Brento, but our bags and rigs didn't arrive until 2 days later, so we missed the weekend and decided it would just be better to go to the Swiss valley. I had been very nervous about jumping because it's been months since I jumped, but Bert was current. Of course, living in MD/DC area, we are never current on big walls. We started with YO and LM and debriefed our tracks. I said I felt I was dipping too low before getting it on, and he felt the same was true for him. We were both jumping in rain jackets and pants. After more jumps off LM we were feeling better about the exit and getting into the track as efficiently as possible. We were both jumping with 38s, and I said I was feeling cracked and was going to try my 34 vented zp. We both changed over and jump LM again. He loved his opening (BJ 260) with the 34 vzp. I went back to my ragged out 38 F1-11. We smiled at the difference, packed up, had our evening, and then went to the Horner. There we talked to another jumper about the nose and Bert was getting excited. I knew he wanted to jump it; I was still ambivalent, but no longer adamantly opposed; I had no concerns from a skill - readiness point of view; it was just my own baggage nagging me. We made tentative plans to meet another jumper the next morning to go there, but the plan didn't work out. No big deal, we figured we could find it with instructions and a little hiking.
Off we went on the cable car etc. We hiked down the trail to the gravel trail but missed the footpath turn off. We ended up hiking a bit more and saw some excellent views of the Eiger. This was by far the best visual we had seen of it and just hung out for a while taking pictures and enjoying the day. After a while longer we decided to go back to the cafe in Winteregg for some water and to find another jumper to show us the way. That's exactly what happened and a bit later there we were on the nose. The other jumper went to the high nose at the trail split; we thanked him for the help and went on.
When we got there, shortly before 2pm, we took our time gearing up and I was incredibly nervous. I tried to not think of death which of course was in the back of my mind. Just as base jumpers do, I fought back the voices in my head and started thinking about what I needed to do on this jump. We started talking about it. So we geared up, climbed under the tree and took the ropes to look over the edge. This was the first time I realized how crappy of an exit point this was. I didn't like it all, but we have both jumped exit points like this before. I said "this is the kind of exit that likes to throw me head low right away" and he agreed. He knew I was nervous and he said only positive things about the jump. With that we walked back up with the ropes a little bit and I called Air Glacier and said 2 minutes. We kissed and said I love you, and walked back down to the edge with the ropes. The plan was for me to go first. I was second guessing where I would exit from. I saw a hunk of grass and asked him if he thought I could stand on it. I put a foot on it and it fell away. I backed off. We looked at the right side, talked about that, then the left side, and I said 2 minutes has probably passed. We heard the helicopter flying around; it was still fine. I stood on the rock sloping down and I just stood there. He said, "come on baby you've got this, just superman off of here" and I did.
I went a little left shoulder low and squeezed everything I had and at 5 seconds I saw myself start moving out and I knew I was good. I saw the trees and kept going. The opening cracked me; I caught my breath and flew to the field and thought to myself 'that wasn't fun and I never want to jump that again...whew"
Landed, looked up and scanned the top for the exit point. I am sure he waited for me to land before jumping but I couldn't see the exit point very well. I kept looking and scanning...where are you...and then I see his canopy inflated and just the very tail end of what might have been an arc finishing the 180 position, and into the wall he went. The canopy was fully inflated and flew into the wall in 2 seconds from the time I saw it. After hitting the wall, it waffled greatly, dropped down a bit ...respond, do something, grab your risers....cut away...climb down....do something...... not fully inflated, it flew into the wall and again and lost pressure....oh no....material....it's not a parachute any more..... it became falling material that caught up with his body.....a wad of blue and silver then bounced all the way down to the talus and nearly to the trees. ...Bert.....omg....no one lives through that.....he's dead...he's dead.... I died too for several minutes. ...what if he's alive.... Air Glacier....then I went running; tourists went running; screaming his name....we couldn't find him. Air Glacier searched several times. Two hours later I saw a body. It wasn't Bert; it was only a body; just a house for his spirit to use while he was here. He wasn't in there anymore. I could feel him around me.
What do we make of this?
First, I believe that each of us enter this world with numbered days. When it's your time, it's your time. So everything I say from here on out is just a function of bringing Bert to his point in time.
Next, understand that the word "twist" got into the report because the police asked me, "other people said he was twisted, is that right?" I said "What other people, the tourists?" ..."Yes." Only 60-90 minutes after this experience, I was exhausted and said "really, he was twisted?" The police asked what I thought; I said I thought I wanted to throw up. I was alone and devastated and couldn't erase the ricochet visual. Now with some time passed, I don't know if it was a twist or a 180. The tourist did tell me he was "a twist" yet none of them spoke good English, and I wonder if their version of "twist" might mean they saw it open and twist to a 180. The more I think on it, I really feel it wasn't what we consider a twist because I think I saw the end of the arc to the 180...but I'll never know for sure.
Next, I think at some point he knew he had problems and he wanted canopy. So, a sub-terminal jump with a terminal pack job and a 34vzp. By the way, he intentionally took the 34 to the nose; we didn't talk about it, but he knew I had a 38 and he wanted the 34. We've never told each other what to do in BASE and that's how we wanted it. I will never know if he had a bad exit (our boots were wet and muddy from the hike but weather conditions were gorgeous; there was a slight wind but not much), or if he went head low, or if he just didn't get his track on - but any of those things are possible. Either way, he wanted canopy and at 5 seconds, or 7 seconds with problems, he was still close to the wall. He did not have time.
Last, I think he was out after the first cliff strike. (As the fiancé, this is a relief to me.) He didn't respond, and he would have if he could have. Maybe a simple take away for anyone who takes the time to read this: please wear a helmet. He was not wearing a helmet and we'll leave it at that. If you all go off on this thread about the helmet thing, I'm going to be throwing up all night, so please don't. This is something we all know. Just wear the darn thing on every single jump you make from this day forward.
That's it.
I have to end by saying that we all know there are certain things that we are just not meant to understand, and this is one where we will never really know what transpired. This whole experience with death beside me is painful yet very spiritual. Several cool things - signs - happened on the days before his death and indisputable ways he's communicated with me since. This has been very peaceful for me. I was afraid that getting on this board and reading all of your opinions too soon would end this crossing over kind of communication/feeling.
This is a public forum and you all just want the facts, but take this piece too - there is most definitely a spirit in each of us that will continue beyond this journey here in the present. While we all know many people who die, dare I say that we are the people who end up leaving our loved ones. So think on this - if your spirit is the next one to leave us, what would you do differently? I have been filled with regret of things I wish I wouldn't have said or things I would have said more often - this is normal. But, what will I do differently from here on out? The list gets longer every day.
Bert used to say that he hoped he wouldn't go out by slipping on a bar of soap in the shower. He definitely gave me a spectacular exit. Go baby go.....
Michelle Carlstrom
BASE 839
