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This made me laugh out loud, in a depressing kind of way. I hope people will forgive me from copying it from the original source, but I have to share the laugh...


Followed shortly by...


If Dali, Tarantino and Palahniuk would write a book on BASE, it still wouldn't be as fucked up as the story above. Well done!

I'm just guessing but I think this wonderful story of the triumph of stupidity over Darwinism may be what provoked Mac's little rant

He's going to need a new rig soon. Just cos someone was stupid enough to train him doesn't mean that anyone needs to give him one.

Jules

Hi people

Sticking my head above the parapet here and quite expect it to get shot off, but i beg anyone out there with second hand gear, to please, please, please, not sell to this guy if he comes knocking. I know it sounds cruel, I know it sounds control-freakish, i know it seems like we're bullying the guy, but i cannot stress enough how utterly brainless this dude is. Selling him a rig is not doing him any favours.

I can appreciate how people out there might even feel a bit of sympathy for this character, but that's cos they have not met him.

We have. We met him to give him advice and to help him when he returned from his FJC. We were friendly, we listened and we chipped in some pretty solid advice to keep him safe. He did not listen to a word of it.

Now through gross stupidity he is without a rig. Because he threw his only one from a 400ft antennna into trees ,because he couldn't be bothered to climb down with it. He then left it in the trees for what he believes to be a week in the baking hot sun (we're currently under drought conditions) and then returned to get it and seemed utterly amazed that it had been taken by someone.

Ask yourself this. What kind of person would treat their BASE rig like this. What kind of person would intentionally toss their 'life saving' device from 400ft. This is their rig for fuck sake. It's the thing that saves their life. Why would they do this. Why would they risk damaging something so utterly crucial to their very survival.

What kind of person? A moron. And what's worse, a moron with the worst attitude you could possibly imagine.

So i beg anyone reading this. Do not be the person to sell BASE gear to this guy. If you get a request from a UK jumper for your used gear and you are not 100% certain as to their true credentials /experience then please just ask around. Ask the manufacturers, ask Tom, ask any number of experienced UK jumpers. If they're genuine they will not mind for a second you checking up on them.

Why am i doing this?

Cos we constantly talk about BASE being self regulatory. We have to look after ourselves and our objects. We have to manage and control our exposure and how we are perceived. We have to protect our ability to continue to do our thing. In a nutshell, this idiot makes us all look like idiots who lack common sense, evaluative skills, consideration and responsibility. It also sends out a message that we can not regulate ourselves and keep our house in order.

If i still haven't convinced you then consider this. This guy went around the bar at the local dropzone actually bragging to the skydivers there about his exploits and how he launched his rig into the trees. I have been informed that after he threw it off, he watched the canopy 'line over' and spiral into the woods and that to him. this vindicated his decision not to jump. In otherwords, he failed to comprehend the fact that a parachute without it's pilot weight suspended under it might not deploy and fly the same as one with a pilot. That's the level we're dealing with here.

thanks for listening.

ian

wow! if the world was full of people like that, i would be a god!

with all that is mainstream, i predict some dark days in our future.

It's important to understand that Ian's words represent all UK jumpers that have met this person that apparently threw his rig off the top of a tower.

That is to say: this is not personal.

If you are approached by a Brit wanting to buy a rig, please get references, not just money.

If you are the person that sells to anyone, on the basis that money is money and the sport is self regulating, you will be seen as having a hand in his demise.

He's a nice bloke. He doesn't deserve to die through his own stupidity.

Maybe we should not be attempting to nanny him; but unfortunately we do care.

Not everyone needs to be a BASE jumper.

I commend your decision to speak up, in hind sight I wish I could have done more here in CA a couple of years ago. "No, you can't" is way better than "Boy, he should not have done that".

Ian sabre210 /what right have you got stopping me obtaining base equipment ,I have jumped all BASE objects safely, Maybe I don't have your UK base ethics but why would I be denined new kit just because you say so, what I do with my own equipment is up to me, Big brothers watching me. And using a little monkey to spy on me, sorry but that's just sad

P.S. How much have you raised so far with the whip round?

Slow down, pal. If most all of the people around you are asking you to "Check yourself", there is probably good reason. A sign of maturity would be to really look at yourself and your motivations' and see if this scrutiny is deserved.Getting angry and pushing back will do more harm than good. I do not know you or your circumstance, but I have seen the same mistakes' made over and over again.You are at a fork in the road, the direction you choose to travel is up to you.

NEWS FLASH...
you are NOT the first person to be questioned.
I've been quizzed by rig vendors on every initial contact. Marty (at Asylum) conducted his extensive "interview" on HIS phone bill. they care. they don't wish to see people hurt.

they must live with their conscience...

I'm not even going to debate you about whether you've jumped objects safely. One man's safe is another man's danger.

The issue is have you jumped responsibly and the answer is an unequivicable NO. You do not know the meaning of the word responsible.

And why do i care. Why now? Because we have to co-exist. Everything you do has a knock on effect on me. That freestander you got caught on.....that's my local too. That wired A you flung your rig off in broad daylight leaving the parachute just flapping in the trees for all to see......that's my local too. What you do has an impact on me. So if you insist on fucking it up for everyone then i'm going to do my damndest to make it difficult for you. End of debate.

Without objects to jump I am just someone with parachute gear not a BASE jumper, and without a rig you are just a daydreamer not a BASE jumper.

I didn't steal your rig. You threw it away. Your choice. And i can't stop you BASE jumping but i can ask others to not sell you used and new gear. My choice.

So i'm just asking other BASE jumpers to help me keep you out of what is already a complex equation, and you my moronic little chum are what mathematicians call a variable.

You bring nothing to BASE, but already you have taken much from it. Unchecked we'll be left very much worse off with you on the scene.

Does that answer you?

ian

ps. Besides Dan, you have gone out of your way to court attention with skydivers, like your bragging at the dz bar. Now here we are talking about you. Don't be glum....revel in your 15 minutes of fame...see everyone Dan must be a base jumper they're talking about him on dz.com basezone. You want the attention so much....this is it.

Ease down there. This isn't BASEJumper.org, you know, it's DeeZed, and we don't allow personal attacks.

But you must admit, it's one of the funniest threads in a long time.

Easy guys. I think he's learned his lesson now.

Dangerous Dan, I confess to being the lucky soul who recovered your rig. The colour is a little unstealthy for me so you can have it back...for 500 quid plus the rights to use your spankin' nickname.

I did nuts on it a couple of times as revenge but other than that it's cool as a cucumber.

I left it at Mac's place for safekeeping and I want my identity to remain secret so put the money in an envelope and drop it into the Oxfam shop on Kensington High Street. If you wink three times at the lady behing the counter she'll know who it's for. The rig will be waiting for you on a bench near the kids play area in Kensington Park by the big wooden ship within the hour.

All cool?

PS Tom, it's DeeZee.com. All this time and he still doesn't know how to pronounce the name of the website.

You are, of course correct Tom. It's your gig, your rules. I apologise for breaking them.

I assumed moron might be a proportionate response to monkey.

Anyway, i've said what i felt needed to be said on this subject.

ian

I think I'll just have a spot of sherry and take a nap . . .

NickD
BASE 194

 

Mweh, I've had my fair share of interesting situations. I've handled them pretty well. Definitely not heroic, but nothing to be ashamed of either.

But what the fuck, we're talking about a guy who is tired after climbing a ladder, not somebody who got kidnapped by some guerilla group for six months to get sodomized every day.


My post didn't include the fact that this guy has a strong history. As far as I know, the locals have given him plenty of opportunity to receive advice and mentoring.

But again, what the fuck. The history doesn't matter. The guy PCAd his rig off an antenna (that's pretty silly) and then decided to leave it there for a week before he picked it up!

That's not silly, that's borderline criminally retarded.

or you could work on that book thingy
(we haven't forgotten!!)

Hi MMK.

Well there are always many ways to tackle a problem I agree. What you suggest (including him. mentoring him, advising him) is what i would consider to be step 1. Tried it dude. We're now at step 3. Please do not assume my decision to post here was taken lightly. It was not, and i am fully aware that in doing so I attract criticism from people who feel I am being callous, unfair or simply unwilling to share the toys with the newcomers.

We met him at the pub, we talked to him, i sent him a packing video when it became clear he wasn't entirely sure he was packing correctly. We gave him some pretty solid advice for progression. We told him to call us if he needed advice - he pretty much had an open advice line. I have sent him no end of private mails with advice and hints.

You know what. He has not heard a word of it and not only that, he has flicked us the bird and gloated. His actions are proof of this. So far in a remarkable short BASE career he has brought serious heat to 2 local antennas by climbing/jumping/throwing rigs off in daylight. This despite us explaining why we thought it was essential to remain low profile.

I understand the natural human response to back the underdog. It's easy to think he's a victim and we're the bullies. Easy but very wrong.

ian

I don't think everyone has the complete picture. When Ian (sabre210) took me to jump that object, we parked our car some distance away. We then hiked back and across farmland and then approached it stealthily via the woods to observe the compound. This compound is the service headquarters for the Antennae engineers for the entire region, ie this is where they wait until they get a call-out. That night there was a service vehicle in the compound. We waited in the woods until the engineer left.

So, there are engineers on site there every day of the week. Chucking his rig off was a bad idea, this was compounded by leaving his canopy out there exposed to the elements for a week. As for the tired arms story, I've climbed that ladder. It is not exposed you can stop at any stage and step off the ladder to rest on the girders. There are also little platforms at regular intervals.

And please don't say nobody made an effort, Dantheman, Ian and Ron drove out to meet him and give him advice. They took the time and this is how he reacted.

Yes Ian did make an effort to meet me, then turn up with with two extra base jumpers that he did not tell me about in the email by the end of the meeting you came across to busy to help ,and a little bit hostile to wards me ,not even showing me the camcorder film they had on them i did take your advice and made a second trip ,yes he did send me a Packing video and that was a lot of help,now has any one seen me jumping NO? //been in any papers, No ?///,closed any site down NO ?////been in the cells for trespassing NO?//so i lost my kit i,m only human--well part??, and i made a error( rule leave no trace),sorry but i,m not a monkey ,spent a week trying to get a long ladder but it had gone by the time i had got hold of one i hope this clears up some points.love Dan

Try meeting up with 10 BASE jumpers who threaten to kick the shit out of you should you ever wear a rig or be found jumping an object................. This is exactly what happened to me as a 150 jump skydiver wishing to BASE and telling people "well if you dont help me I will go out by myself".....

BUT

I went out and did a further 2 years skydiving and crammed in 500 jumps with CReW / Accruacy etc and ended up friends with most of the 10 that threatened me................

Ask yourself why?

Because I listened to people who knew more than me and took on board advice without the stupidity and arrogance so many people seem to have now

We were all new once............ just some of us listened to people along the way and now have more friends and fun then if we had ignored them.........

Saying you've never been seen is hard to prove. How many times have your been followed by the authorities? How many sensitive jumps (or should I say climbs) have you done? Your UK BASE board profile says 8 (one on your course, at least another one on your return back, and one from a South Coast E) so that's 5. When jumping sensitive objects, it's a numbers game. The more you jump them, the more likely you are to attract attention. I don't think you can compare your track record after 5 jumps with those who have 80 times that number from over 100 different objects!


I'm glad you can finally admit that you made a mistake. Unfortunately, you've confessed to the wrong one. That one was merely a symptom, there are several much more serious causes.

Dan. You need help. really. This wasn't some columbian drug deal. It was some UK jumpers turning up to meet you. We weren't there to pop a cap in your ass. You should be grateful that 3 jumpers with 1000 BASE jumps between them showed up to meet you. And i specifically recall asking you to not bring your girlfriend to that meeting. You know why? Cos I was told by your FJC tutor to try to talk to you without her there because when she is there she tends to take over and you become distracted. So what did you do. You brought her, and your lap dog. Unbelievable.

Hostile towards you because we wouldn't show you footage of some of our jumps. You are unreal. Maybe because that footage was private and was not for you to see.

I'm glad you've responded. Hopefully people reading this can see the type of person we're dealing with here.
You see your passage into BASE as an absolute birth right. You see it as our duty to meet you on your terms and help you when it suits you. The fact that you took offence to us not showing you our footage is just gob-smackingly arrogant.

I knew by posting on here you wouldn't be able to resist responding, and i was hoping given enough rope you'd metaphorically hang yourself. You've exceeded my expectations Dan. I can only hope and pray that jumpers and manufacturers out there who might be in a position to help you, read this and realise, that you are not mentally mature enough or intellectually equipped to be taught or mentored BASE.

Maybe you'll be lucky and find some like minded fool who has a spare rig to sell to you. Good luck cos you're going to need it.

We're definitely done here.

ian

ps.I must admit your amendment to your sig line made me laugh.

Rather than list those points of yours, please reread ALL your posts on the UK board and this board and tell me you are not slightly regretful of your approach to people on the "PUBLIC" forums...........

Do you still 100% stand by your stance and approach in these posts to your fellow jumpers since your recent incident of complete stupidity, sorry error? I would be interested to see if you are...........

Edit to add: seems the CCTV footage of your failed rescue to the top of the tree to rescue your gear has been released http://www.nothingtoxic.com/...s/monkeycatapult.wmv

Mistakes i made to many of them, i can't say i been to court much ,but this is my first time in a kangaroo court.

Keep playing the victim Dan. Nobody who has ever met you will buy it.

ian

Rape rape i think i been ####ed.

Apparantlly people only come to help if you shout 'fire'

What amazes me is that you continue to refer to making mistakes as being caught...........

Try bodily damage as a result of making a mistake.....

do you understand the seriousness of making a proper mistake in BASE???? and then still trying to not get caught??

Do you realy think i give a flying ###k MAC what's the problem, I will not be Base jumping for a long time now, what more can uk jumpers want more -----1 of me 10 of you, it must be pimms time.

I am sure if my apple understood your badly constructed sentence it would respond..

otherwise, No I dont think you care, but tell me how many people will be with you to carry you out with a fucked leg.... then you will care


You made your own PC hesitation, so inflate it...........

UK jumpers do want more- much more!

They want you to change your entire approach to BASE. Or forget it preferably.

This did not start as a personal issue. Those of us that have met you know that you're a nice enough bloke. That's why we don't want to hear about you going in under the most ludicrous, "Darwin Awards Ceremonies", circumstances.

It's perfectly possible to die in BASE doing everything right. When someone consistently makes as many fundamental mistakes as you do, it's a blessing you're still here.

BASE is not for everyone, Dan. Please think about that through the (hopefully) very long time that it takes you to persuade an ignoramus to sell you 2nd hand gear.

Your total disregard for ethics have been discussed already. Burning objects for your own comfort and convenience are always going to alienate you.

Take Care,
Don't Hurry Back,
Ron

Hey I might have a rig for sale?

Might have a go at landing that wing suit now