base addiction :)
Another post for those who has too much time and can waste it reading/typing and doesn't care about my english.
Ok. There was the time i though i would never quit. And no changes here -- i still love BASE and base-people. But for some reason (guess which one) i cannot travel as much as i can.
I live in Moscow and we have tonns of different industrial stuff here -- i guess it's about 50 objects: chimneys, anntennas, buildings. Day or night, legal or not, very f***ng low and just low...
But it's gettin bored! I know my personal limits. I know pretty well what delay i can make here or there, how fast can i run out, how good i am in made-up stories and what bullshit is good for cops or guards, i know everything about my piloting skills and don't need the closure look to the object or its landing to understand will i survive or not jumping from it.
It is boring. I don't feel fear, excitement, pleasure, passion -- i'm just empty and emotionless on exit. Sometimes i feel that's gonna be a boring jump at the very moment of no-return. That's terrible -- you don't like it at all but you're already in it. Boring, boring, boring!
They said: open a site! Jump something new!
Thanks, same stuff -- metall or concrete, same grey street around same 'a priori' knowledge of what it's gonna feel like. Ok, I'm still doing it sometimes... basically same emotionless stuff... and i will not go for an object if it's out of my personal limits. That's BASE, not suicide.
They said: open your mind! Jump something new!
Thanks, i actually believe that a double something from 300ft would be pretty exciting, and same stuff about some hardcore multi-way. But -- "red alert!" -- that's BASE not suicide. I will not go for the stuff that will be out of my control even if it's the only way to get excited. I would like to be an experienced jumper not stupid one. And i don't like aerials enough to start working on it that hard. And same thing about multi-ways -- i prefer good stuff, not scary s***t plus i cannot risk other people lives.
They said: open a school! Teach new jumpers!
Thanks. I will not.
And i know that i need some regular practice to jump in mountains. But now i'm almost sure that skydive would be more helpfull. And i understand that i may need some jumps at least to keep the freakin status of the active-jumper-with-some-good-number-of-jumps-and-objects. At least to keep the access on for example russian base board -- i could not post there anything if it would be the chance of gettin "you cannot know it for sure, you're not an active one" reply. No, that's stupid. I did not came in base to become a superstar and i will not fight for status.
They said: Well, get a job that will cover the things you really wanna do. And go travelling!
Thanks, that's it. I will.
I still wanna play at home. My choice is visuals. But that's a different story. I still can enjoy filming, watching and just crazy industrial pictures even than there is no jumping going on. But at this moment there is nobody here who's able to show good aerials. Actually they are here, but noone of them is jumping now. They all get bored!!!
So the problem is about solo jumps -- the only jumps i can make here & now -- at home. I want to figure out what's wrong. Some little emotion-about-industrial-base generator in my mind is broken... Hm... it looks like a drug addiction -- i cannot stop but at the same time i cannot enjoy it as much as earlier and that's still not a good argument to stop it... And i cannot let myself get overdozed (read: do some crazy stuff out of my limits) because of the little safety guards into my head...
I'm a base-junkie. I can not quit and i wanna that level of thrill back. Anyone here with the same problem?
What to do?
Edited to add:...i guess my brains fused -- it's +32 C
outdoors. That's why i posted it.
