Basejumper.com - archive

Picture yourself on you favorite "E" and you look over and see a burning bush (Lets just say) and you hear....(Insert your name here) this is Carl, take these commandments and give them to the BASE Community. What would those commandments be? (And what kind of good shit are you taking to be seeing (and hearing) a burning bush?)

 
This has to be one of the funniest posts i've ever seen in the BASE forum

Have you been licking frogs again?

Keep you hands warm however you have to. Having to take two tries at getting your stowed pc out can make you need new undershorts.

Be a good host to visitors. Even if they are from Indiana.

i start the british bidding with

Thou shalt not flail.

Thou shalt not burn this site

thou shalt not covet anothers gear.

thou shalt not believe that its 250...even if it looks it.

The BASE Decalogue

1. I am Carl Boneish, which have brought thee out of the land of skydiving, out of the house of regulations. Thou shalt have no other boundry pusher before me.

2. Thou shalt not take the name of Carl in vain.

3. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of anything that is the exit point, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the exit point. Thou shalt not bow down on exit, nor over rotate on gainers.

4. Remember the bridge day, to keep it holy.

5. Honor thy menotr and thy student: that thy days may be long.

6. Thou shalt not over delay.

7. Thou shalt not commit day time blazes.

8. Thou shalt not steal altitude from others objects without permission.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy partners jump performance.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy jump partners skill, thou shalt not covet thy jump partners gear, nor his PCA servant (if they be female), nor his driving bitch, nor his PC collection, nor his stable body postion, nor anything that is thy jumping partners.

[note: taken from the structure of the hewbrew version.]

is this what you mean?

I think the 10 commandments miss something fundamental :

11. Thou shall expect to get thou's body busted up at some time.

A few just from this site seem to be:

Thou shall not jump into a headwind.
Thou shall not name sites
Thou shall take others gear and keep it when they rat you out on antenna jumps.

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"Thou shall not bounce."

You'd think that would be the first and foremost of the ten.

rl

very funny,

I would have one to read

"Thou Shall not bear False witness unto others on the BASE DZ.com or Blinc, or any other open forum."

Uhhhh..
How about thou shall not hijack this thread...

seriously though...

"thou shall contact the locals...." thats one for sure.

Thou shall not get hung up on guy wires and talk to the media about legalization and tattoo's.



Edit: Spelling

Thou shalt not fucking die.

Thou shalt not snitch upon thy brother jumpers.

Thou shalt not put thy own gain before the good of BASE.

Thou shalt contact the locals.

Thou shalt welcome visitors.

Thou shalt not burn sites.

Thou shalt help the newbies.

Thou shalt be an ambassador of BASE, wherever thou goest.

Thou shalt party with they brother jumpers, and share of thy party with them.

Thou shalt honor thy BASE fathers, and thy BASE students.

Thou should stop removing my posts of my pics of my red light.

Thou shall not use kittens as wind indicators.





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Ill post this one as long as no body asks how I know...(like that will happen)

Thou shall not touch the head of your penis, (on purpose or inadvetently) to the railing of an object after you have pissed from said object, in the middle of winter, lest your penis freeze to that object and you are made fun of for years to come.

hummm?? who could that have been?! (Mikey Boy! - Love ya like a brother!)

.

Thou shall not allow skydivers easy access to the low altitude paracute deployment science environment....

God said to Jumper, 'I will come to you in a thick cloud, so that all the people will hear when I speak to you. They will then believe in you forever.'...The big day arrived. There was thunder and lightning in the morning, with a heavy cloud on the mountain, and an extremely loud blast from the ass of Jumper. The people at the exit point trembled. Jumper led the people off of the exit toward the Divine Presence. They stood transfixed at the foot of the mountain, aka the "Talus." Mount S-n-i (name abridged - site naming) was all in smoke (it wasn't mushrooms - it was something else making the smoke) because of the Presence that had come down on it. God was in the fire, and its smoke went up like the smoke of a lime kiln. The entire mountain trembled violently. There was the sound of a ram's horn, increasing in volume to a great degree. Jumper spoke, and God replied with a Voice. God came down on Mount S-n-i, to the peak of the mountain. He summoned Jumper to the mountain peak, and Moses climbed up...Moses went down to the people - with a double reverse gainer on a 7 second delay - and conveyed this to them...

1. "I am the Lord your God who brought you off of the land and into the air"

2. "Thou shalt have no other gods besides Me without ensuring proper horizontal separation...Do not make blaze sites to make thy own graven image for self-odolating publicity, for it is an abomination and shall cause wrath."

3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely thy level of experience, lest you find thyself in above thine head to smite the gournd or vertical structure"

4. "Remember the locals and keep their sites holy, lest thou be stricken down with tar and feathers"

5. "Honor thy mentors and Old Timers and lessons learned, lest thou be among the cratered kine, which would be unfortunate since kine are hard to come by.""

6. "Thou shalt not dayblaze."

7. "Thou shalt not commit yourself to low pulls"

8. "Thou shalt not steal, and thy trespasses shall be limited to trespasses, leaving no evidence of thy unauthorized presence."

9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against your fellow jumper, except to talk him or her out of jail, a fine, or confiscation of the holy rig."

10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's site without first securing the assistance of locals, lest thou be smitten with tar and feathers"

Whereupon the word of God was known and understood, and Jumper committed these Commandments upon stone tablets. And Jumper and the other ascended Mount S-n-i and found the exit point unsuitable and lacking of a landing area. Whereupon the exodus to Yosemite Valley was begun to free all of the rule of the NPS.

 
Sticky: Thou shall not litter.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your mind.

Everything else will fall into place.

Thou shalt not have a live 2-way radio in your pocket when talking to a policeman at 3:00 AM. I almost had him convinced nothing was up when the radio crackled, "Hey Nick, we're almost on top, how's the winds?"

NickD
BASE 194

Where's abbie on this one?

Nice...Thats cool

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Moab...give it a few days.
~J

LMFAO!!

there's some great shit up there!!

damn, kittens! i knew i was going to hell.

i think most important though,

thou shall not make a complete ass of himself upon internet forums...

actual meetings will make everything apparent.

did you ever see Mel Brook's movie where he plays Moses coming down from the mountains and presents the stone tablets in his hands? He announces in a bold deep resonant voice "I present to you these 15, (crash one of the tablets falls from his arms), these 10 commandments!"

That was a classic scene!

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*Cough* Mel Brooks *Cough*

Yea History of the World was an awesome movie!

Coco

Edit: Spelling

 

I shall not judge.

Kris.

Or dead roadkill rabbits...

addendum to kitten commandment:
thou shall be allowed to use a kitten as a wind indicator provided that it is attached to a pilotchute w/a proper base wingloading of .70 to one...

You forgot the part that goes: "Thou shall duct tape thy kitten's paws.