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I have been sick 5 times in the last 15 minutes listening to this pitiful cretin's dialogue with the world's most humorous and yet compassionate woman of our emergency services.

I am compelled to share my favorite parts of the soap. The alternative being to drop by California and pain the cunt a new feather hat for this episode.
John, if you're reading this, know that the facts that you have promised to quit, you are hilarious whilst pissing your pants and you're pathetic have saved you from a harsher judgement.

Bits of the call that killed me were:

"Are you visible from the freeway" - like there's a bunch of other assholes hanging from the tower.
"The only difficulty is going to be the height" - a guess utterly far from the mark. Another difficulty will be the smell.
"I think I'm going to die here"...Argh...it hurts...stop.
"I'm gonna die"....please....
"I don't wanna die"...oh jesus....uuurrrgggghhh.
"are you married"...[replies]...."huh?"
"What county are you in ?"....aarrgghhh.......[pain]

"Is that southbound or North bound?"....
"If you were going North bound you would come off and go due west".......heeeeeeeeechaaghurgh....a classic....what difference does it make?

"Who's on the guy wire"

"CHP....I have a man hung on a pole".....oh God...stop...

"I'm a few hundre feet from my death right now"....what a time for philosophy? You cunt, you're killin' me.

"How old are you".....[replies] "40"...and get's it wrong...he's 41...prick!

"Don't look down".....gufaw.....sniffle....barf!

"I made a BASE jump".....yeeeeehaw!

Surreal moment.....
"It could be worse"
"You could be in a ravine"
"It could be worse"
[pukes with laughter]

contrarian moment....
"I wanna die right now"...make your mind up bitch!

surreal moment II
"Have you seen a Mel Gibson movie where you land on an airbag"...kudos for holding on here Johnnie. I'd have shit and laughed myself off to that one.

"What are you doing?"
"Having a cigarette"
"Are you upside down?"...[screams in pain]...[pukes]

"I don't know if it's the smartest thing...to have a cigarette when there are wires underneath you"......[no more.....stop...please]

Surreally surreal
"Sweeeeeet!"...huh? John you ok?

and to cap it all...."your birthday is today? Well happy Birthday John"...
[wrenches nut puking so hard....ass comes out through mouth and leaves skidmarks on lips.


Oh jeez. John...If you weren't such a lame ass puss bag I'd hate you...but you're just a total fag with no respect for your peers and even less for yourself...Next time....use your hook knife you sissy.

Beautiful.

I thought that was very nice.

I had a lifeflght kind of rescue on my 30th birthday. EMS has to ask your birthday for all kinds of forms, and so do the hospital folks. So I got "oh...well, happy birthday..." about 15 times that day.

send that to carlos mencia....he will have a field day with that...

That was funny.....

At least you'd already been rescued.

I don't think the word irony would occur to John if he was asked to describe what steel tasted like.[original - royalties due for all future use]

I remember that day well, Tom. People were saying the same thing to me.

"Yo yo" sounded like a very nice lady, I'm guessing all the crying probably lost him a chance at scoring a date with her though.
~J

I got a real kick out of that one.

Here it is

Hello,
"Don't look down".
Avery

From the opertator.

'you're not dying today, not on my watch'

I was waiting for, 'I have to leave now, here is Steven, he'll look after you'

"It could be worse, trust me"

Really? Can anything be worse than having this thread open on his name?

"I don't know why he's smoking"
"Because he's nervous?"

Operator: Are you visible from the freeway?
JA: The towers are but it's getting dark.

Any sympathy I felt for this guy quickly evaporated. And I know what it's like to hit a wire.

Gus

Someone please, please send the part of the Aussie Video where Dwain is hanging in a tree and talking to his camera to the media who published this sad recording. This could correct the pathetic image that everyone must get after listening to this whining and crying!
Non BASE Jumpers could see that not everyone starts to cry like a baby while being in this position.
This is so sad…

 

What's the title of the compilation?

I've seen this twice but would love to see it again. Is that something someone who has it could post. It's freakin' funny!

Long live DW.

i assume your quoting for real?

just need the words "I want my mommy" to add to the mix!

Ha, I like when she tells him not to look down, then one second later asks "so, are you still 2-300 feet up?"

 that footage of Dwain is on "beyond extreme" I'm not sure where to find it

The raw footage is much longer than that and much more entertaining than the small clip on Beyond Extreme. If you eve have a chance to watch the whole video, DO IT!

That's the video I saw, the whole thing. Just funny as hell! I presume that's non-distributed video huh?

Fucking wow. I just heard it. So where's the erase-from-memory button? Funny as fuck on teh first listen, but frightening in retrospect. Not frightening as in "what a scary situation" but frightening as in "I can't believe this guy is BASE jumper." Solo dayblazing with an injury and then wire striking. More disturbing was how he just lost it in a crisis situation -- NOT a quality of a BASE jumper.

The longer segment is on the 2003 ABA Compilation, the one with "No Morals, No Ethics..." printed on the cover.

There is an even longer raw version that I've seen, but the one on the ABA compilation has pretty much all the best stuff.

this shissa is great! in the words of my good friend Steve Morrell (RIP): "Put on your gear and die like a man!"

Where can I get a copy of that?

I must say that was classic...tells him to relax, not to look down, and then instantly reminds him of his perilous predicament.

Okay, I must admit, that 911 call is Nugget City . . .

When Don Swayze called for help after ripping his foot off, he said he crawled as far away from the object as he could so as not to burn it, but after 100 yards he was bleeding out, and had to make the call. He said it was like calling artillery down on his own position.

John should have said he ground launched, found some lift, and hit this stupid tower in the middle of nowhere!

NickD
BASE 194

After reading almost all of your post I have come to this. You are cool as shit (Beer to you man!)

http://homepage.mac.com/brookwillard/agnos.mp3

Anybody else hear the Outlook Express You've Got Mail sound effect at 7 minutes 25 seconds? I wonder what email she received?

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I thought that was my computer when I listened to that. I couldn't figure out why I heard that sound but didn't see any new mail!

I'd guess you can get them from the Australian BASE Association. But Liv sent me an extra NTSC VHS copy with a note saying "do what you want with it." I'll give it to you, if you like.

Tom, is it posible (and leagal) to upload only this part of the movie to skydivingmovies?

 

Didn't we figure out that was actually PAL?

I tryied to order the tape once but I never got a reply on my email.
I don't know if they have some organizational problems...

Is it just me or shouldn't you know the exact location of the object you are jumping?

I know the exact address of the service road for a tower I jump. And my dad has it when he phone ground crews for me.

It pretty pathetic listening to John try to explain where he is. “Eastbound on the western side of the oak nut crack whore lane exit”!!!

Yea it sux to have that happen and I don't wish that on anyone but don't do the f**kin interviews and s**t. That’s what pissed me off when I heard, not that fact that he had a jump go wrong. Dude that is so f***ed up!!!!!!

Anyone know what the conditions were? Did he pull a team Burton “we are sponsored attitude” and just it bad conditions?

Coco


P.S to Skin - - - - - NICE!!!

>>Next time....use your hook knife you sissy.<<

That's a Nugget . . .

There might have been a third way too. I don't know what gear he was jumping, but two (three if he was really freaking) lines would have held him in place. If he could have retrieved the remaining lines (assuming he could reach them) and tied them together, maybe even finger trapped them (is John a Rigger?) how long would that be? It might have been close enough for the best PLF of his career.

Okay, I just re-read that and I won't hold not doing so against him. Too bad, it would have been self-rescue of the year. We'd all be getting our jumps tatted too . . .

I always carry a carbineer for just that reason, but in reality actually lowering yourself is a long shot last ditch thing. But, I've always thought a carbineer is good to have in case you get hung up on something like a tower or building. You could secure your position using it and some line. Then you could do less worrying and come up with a plan C.

NickD
BASE 194

What about climbing up the lines, and then sliding down the guide wire? I couldn't do it, but there has to be some bastard that climb lines. I can only do a few pullups

And risk pulling the tower down?

I personally saw a guy slide down guy wire on a tower that was around 100ft tall. We were installing wireless internet relays and I was on the ground, he was on the tower and had just got the relay secured when several bee's started swarming around him. He is VERY allerigic to bees and if several stung him and he wasn't at the hospital very fast he could easily die. He ripped off his belt and slid down the guy wire and ended up with 1 bee sting and a very badly sprained ankle. Mind you the guy wire was not all that steep and he was a fairly small guy and the belt still snapped when his feet were at least 5 feet off the ground. I would not recommend trying it with nylon.

This is small and petty, but it drives me crazy.

Throughout the tape, I kept hearing "guide wire." They are not "guide wires," they are "guy wires."

rl

well the guy is an idiot. its not that big a mistake compared to the rest of his errors. but in the end, still an idiot.

 

They were apparently fairly good. I think he just took a short delay (so he was close in), had an off heading, and didn't get onto it fast enough.

It's discussed a little more in one of the half dozen John Agnos threads in this forum.

I suspect while he is in prison, John will be "guyed" many times. Who knows...perhaps he'll elect to stay incarcerated as a result.

With a beard like that, Bubba should have no problem maintaining optimum cadence during "mommies and daddies".

I hope you choke on it. "John Agnos" is an anagram of "Jiz Bucket".

Ok...not quite. But hey...it's all good.

Cleverly done, smartass.

rl