Basejumper.com - archive

I climbed up a piece of earth this morning bright and early with an experienced jumper I met, we'll calm him Dude, on the net, get to the top and the winds are about 5-6mph straight over the top. Dude and I sit at the exit point watching the sun come up waiting for the wind to drop off or speed up. I wasn't sure I cared which.

Finally, the temperature stabilized and the winds go calm and Dude says "Let's air it out". We throw our gear on give each other a gear check and we're ready to go. Dude climbs to the edge, "3-2-1 Cya" and he's off. Other than seeing his PC and hearing his canopy crack open, I'm pretty much oblivious to his jump. I'm in my head dealing with myself. After a couple of seconds I see him line up to land and and start climbing climbing down to the exit point.

Once I reach the exit point I look down and Dude's sitting on the ground near his canopy and yell's up that everything's cool.

I put my hands out, take a few deep breaths, look around, and get ready to go. I go through my gear check in my head and notice a person in the neighborhood below walking his dog, looking up. I think "This will be good." Next thing I know, I'm back in my head. I'm thinking about my wife. I'm thinking about unfinished things at work. I'm thinking about all the stuff I need to do to get moved. And, I'm still standing on the edge.

I try and try to clear my head. I talk to myself a little. I realize it's just a step away. I start thinking about my conversation with my mom last night. We were talking about all the stuff I'm juggling right now and my indecision about how I'm going to make everything work and her words come to mind "It could be worse".

YEAH, TWO BROKEN LEGS WOULD BE WORSE!

I notice a car has stopped near the guy walking his dog and the driver has stepped out to watch. Dude yells up "Is everything alright?" He's gathering his gear and I realize he hurt his ankle. I let him know I'm fine. But, I'm still just standing there, doing nothing. After several more minutes of trying to convince myself to jump, PC in hand I turn around and start the climb back up. I get to the top, stuff my PC down my shirt and, with my rig still on my back I dejectedly start hiking down. I feel like such a puss! I start beating myself up for buying new gear, starting BASE jumping in the first place, not jumping when everything seemed so right...blah, blah, blah.

I get to Dude, who's now sitting with his boot off and his leg elevated on his gear, and he asks me if I think it's broke. We pull his sock down and I tell him it looks OK. Not very much swelling and nothing seems out of place. He asks me if that 180 he had freaked me out. I let him know I didn't even see it. From my viewpoint his jump looked great. Of course I really couldn't see his opening and wasn't looking anyway.

I always thought it would be hard for me to climb down because "I climbed up to jump", but today I learned the hardest part of climbing down is facing myself and my unfulfilled expectations of who I think I am.

I really didn't think I would have this issue. I imagined my issues would be wanting to jump when others were saying no. I was actually quite angry with myself at the time. I couldn't figure out what was stopping me and thinking about getting back to the hotel to see my wife and son seemed very appealing.

In retrospect, I think I understand the basis of my concerns. I bought a new PC prior to this trip that I haven't jumped. Also, I've been packed for about 4 weeks trying to get a jump in and I couldn't remember the details of my last pack job, something I try to go through prior to leaving the exit point. I even opened my pack job as part of my gear check since it had been packed so long.

AND I really didn't want to hear my mom telling me "I told you so!"

Dude, you can't believe how jealeous I am of you.

I have been fully geared up and ready to jump 38 times now and only four times have I climbed down. All four were because of sub-optimal wind conditions.

I'm looking forward to the day I climb down because I'm too scared or something just doesn't feel right. I think that a high bail-out ratio can only be a good thing.

It worries me how gung-ho and eager to jump I am. I'm definitely scared every time, but not nearly as scared as I figured I would be before I started. Maybe it's because I have zero tolerance for superstition in my jumps. Or maybe because I don't even bother gearing up if the conditions aren't promising.

Then again, I haven't jumped since two weeks ago, so my next jump should be interesting.

You did great! And don't forget that you still got to appreciate the hike up, the environment, the view and your friends jump. That's worth as least as much!

Deciding not to jump is always the right decision. It takes a whole lot more courage to walk off than it does to push yourself over the edge.

That cliff will still be there when you go back.

Never be afraid to climb down. It takes far more to climb down, and it is way easier, than it is to go to the hospital.

I have climbed down at least 10 times out of my little 71 jumps. I think maybe there should be an equation of times you jump vs. the times you do in general. Maybe someone out there has one or a theory?

I applaud you, great job. Who cares what the nay'sayers say, you are alive, unhurt, and are ready for another day to jump.

You never need a reason not to jump
but... if you're going to jump you probably have a reason.

Kudos for making the right choice.

-=Raistlin

I can't count how many times I have walked down... Yup... I went through the same mental game the first few times... And now, I won't hesitate a second to call it off.

By being able to walk down and not beat myself up has made the jumps that I do decided to do even that much more pure! Pure being the key word because that's the whole reason I BASE... Because it is pure!

My friend Todd turned to me once, when we were walking down from an object, and said "Wow... Boy have we matured with how we jump now...". Just an awesome comment on his part!!!

Congradulations on growing with BASE ...

Michael

Some years ago, a friend of mine started up the tower, got that feeling, and went right back down again.

This was in the days that people were still jumping skydiving gear.

The story, in her own words, is here:

http://groups-beta.google.com/...=en#0a38d164761b3bac

Perhaps the next time, you won't feel quite so foolish.

rl

My "Forced Myself to Jump Anyway" story is here

I've reproduced it below, for ease of reading:

He who decides to walk away lives to jump another day. Your little voice was telling you something and you listened. Good job. Believe it or not walking down often takes more guts than jumping. Twice I ignored my little voice and twice I almost paid the ultimate price. Don't beat your self up over it, instead be glad that you have the brains to listen to your heart

Cudo's bro....i am already expecting this moment to come im my base exploits....as i have been there before.....1st board jump.....loads are going by.....manifest asking do you want to get on the next load.....friends telling you you are nuts.... other friends telling you just go for it....you have gone over this jump a 1000 times in your head..... the hole day goes by....all kinds of stuff going on in your head.... your mom.....girlfriend ,your dog.....all crazy kind of thoughts....but wait until another day..... i did...and never regreted it for a minute...

next week my first board jump went great.....even with a board cutaway.....never forget that day.....Stuck that exit though.....


crap.....i will really miss guss............

Great Job Guy! There is no shame in walking away from any jump and I think very highly of u for making this decision! I would jump with u any day bro................Thanks for all your help on this jump! I made 93 jumps from this object without even a scratch and on the 94th. I get hurt so it just goes to show that things happen in this sport so always follow your heart and never regret a decision like walking away. Like Tom said the object with still be there your next time around so always remember that! I look forward to jumping with u again and should be back in a few weeks!

I once and only once did not listen to my "inner voice" telling me to walk, I ignored it for the first time after walking down many many times before - unfortunatly I smashed my leg up on that jump.........

I wont be ignoring that voice again............

I have a philosophy in life: "no regrets."

Think about being in a hospital bed paralyzed, criticizing yourself for not listening to your little voice saying "this is all wrong," even when nothing really is wrong other than an ESP event. At that point, who wants to jump when one feels it's so uncool and unpleasant, except to feed our fragile egos that we actually conquered a fear that we've repeatedly conquered.

Here's an excerpt from a PM I sent to a friend a couple years ago.

I experienced the same exact thing.




For some reason, I didn't need to jump that day. There doesn't even need to be a reason. If the little voice doesn't say "jump" then it's totally fine to just go home. I've learned a lot since then, why I really jump for example.

At the very least, I got to go hang out on a nice bridge in the early morning hours. Not something most people get to do before sunrise.


edit: Brand new BASE jumpers don't have the little voice yet. They haven't been in enough BASE situations to know when something is off. The fact that your little voice is becoming audible means you're starting to identify with the inner part of you that is really driving your need to BASE jump. Become intimately familiar with that little voice. He's your friend.